Weigh Day is Wednesday

Never did I think I'd be back to fretting about the damn scales! And here I am, a bundle of jangling nerve wires, wondering, hoping, praying even, that those bloody scales will go down....and more than just a bit!!!

Explanation. This week I've gone full force into a cutting cycle. That is, high cardio, low food and medium weights in order to gently extract the rather small layer of fat covering the muscles. The trainer I saw last week estimated my body fat to be around 3% at the moment so it's a bit of a science to get it moving while trying to leave all muscle intact. Sounds pretty low but I can tell you it has decided to have a party and meet up at my legs...how predictable.

So here's what happened. I dutifully started the two one-hour cardio sessions per day last Sunday but hadn't collected my two week menu plan. For three days I continued on my merry little way scoffing lentils, chicken, rice and veges to my hearts content! Even slipping in a few more spoonfuls because I cockily thought I deserved them due to the gruelling cardio regime. I heard my darling husband say something like, "Are you sure you should be 'upping' the carbs? I thought the cardio was to lower your weight". I recall replying something like, "Don't be ridiculous!! You can't do 2hrs of cardio a day on an empty stomach!! Of course I need more carbs".

WRONG!! Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!!!!!! So I found out!!

Happily I trotted on in my own little world...until Wednesday morning, when I received my two-week food instruction manual. And discovered, to my detriment, that I was supposed to have lowered my carbs...not bloody increased them!!!! Are you serious?????? "Oh well", I stupidly thought yet again, "It can't have hurt much! I'm running two hundred miles a day". WRONG AGAIN!!!! Come Friday-weigh-day, I had dropped a measly 100grams!! ONE HUNDRED BLOODY GRAMS!!!!!! 

I honestly can't repeat my thought pattern as I stood on those @@###$ scales!!! I had prepared for that moment with the full and eager anticipation of a great result reflecting the 75km worth of running and walking I'd already achieved, along with a decently clean diet. I was suitably un-attired (TMI I know, but these things are important on weigh day!!), had finished early morning ablutions in order to decrease fluid weight, and I was initially smiling! Oh how my world changed in those few seconds!! You wanna talk food moods???? Oh crickey dicks!!! I was as sour as a mouldy old lemon with a face like a puckered cat's bum!! Pissed off can't even come close to how I felt at that precise moment and the grey cloud seemed to descend on my head and hover there for the rest of the day. Hopefully no one noticed but I'm not too sure!

On reflection, I can see my error very clearly and it was all about the food - as it seems to be when it comes to weight loss. This bodybuilding thing can sometimes defy common sense and I should have realised the curve ball would be coming sooner or later. It's here in the form of a diet completely devoid of any complex carbs, with 2hrs of cardio and 1hr of weights almost every day of the week for 2 weeks. I have now moved the official weigh-day to Wednesday and I'm completely shitting myself to be honest. I don't know how this carb-starved brain will cope with another bad result yet I can't feel the weight dropping off like I thought I would.

I'll give you a new daily scenario including the food simply because many people have been asking about it;

* 6am-7am - moderate incline walk on completely empty tummy - light sweat only

* breakfast shake

* midmorning tuna & salad

* weights session - moderate weight as no energy for much more

* lunch chicken & veg

* midafternoon raw veg & water protein shake

* early evening - 1hr jog with inclines thrown in as needed

* dinner fish & veg

* supper shake & peanut paste

It's very do-able but takes a little grit to get through the last hour of cardio. Thanks to a fabulous friend, I have a beautiful treadmill plonked in front of the tv so I can get these sessions out of the way while watching the stupid-box. The Olympics have been an added bonus!

Other than this, I've been struggling to fit in any posing or stretching and know I'll have to get them under control when I can. I had another posing session with Hector and we covered all of the poses in more detail. I'm happy with where I am for now but know I have a whole lot of improvements up my sleeve.

Bikini update. It's being made and I hope it'll be as lovely as I imagine. I won't spoil the surprise with colour or style just yet.

Another blurb about the scales. In my late teens and early twenties, I have to confess that I was completely and utterly screwed up when it came to body image. I fluctuated horribly with my weight and would grasp hold of anything with the words "diet" or "weight" attached to them. Every Monday felt like the start of a new week where I would try something zany and crazy in order to lose that weight. I did the whole grapefruit diet, the cabbage diet, the carrot diet - and more scary than all - I decided to do the whole "won't eat a thing" diet, which almost did my head in completely. I was down in the mid 40kg weight range at one stage and managed to balloon to the 90's. It was a horrible, terrible phase of my life and, if you are on the diet yo-yo, please get some help to get off it! It's not the weight that kills your life, it's the emotions that go with it - the shame, the guilt and the feeling of being so low all of the time. No one deserves to feel like that day in and out.

So I have to say that it took me 15 years of having a stable weight and attitude to food and diet before I attempted to do anything that would make me stray from my good patterns in the way that this bodybuilding has. I would never have attempted this sort of thing any earlier as I'm sure I would have become mentally caught up in the whole self-image, weight gaining/loss games that I happily left behind all of those years ago.

Rightio. Enough blabbing by me. Oh yes, because I'm really honest.....I have to say that the omission of lentils in my diet has done wonders for.....can't say it! Use your imagination.

Time For A Little Motivational Speech...Ahem

Have you ever tried anything Extreme? Let me clarify Extreme. I mean anything that has pushed you into what you would call extreme circumstances in order to achieve whatever it is? Something that has demanded a sacrifice in order to complete?

I think many would say they haven't. Why? What's holding you back? Fear? Lethargy? Lack of drive? Lack of confidence in yourself to achieve? A fear of coming 2nd...or maybe not even finishing at all? Well you're certainly not alone.

You see, if I had one dollar for every time, over the past 8 months, someone has said to me, "ooo - I could never do what you're doing..", I would visit Lorna Jane a whole lot more. I believe the more accurate response should be, "ooo - I choose not to do what you're doing" because it is..a choice. My body is just the same as most of yours. I have two arms, two legs etc etc, and they may have been tuned a little differently but they pretty much work in the same manner.

But here's where we may differ a little. You might say, "I can't!!" Where I will say, "I can!! And I will! And if I don't get it the first time, I'll try again a second and a third until I nail it! And, if I have to, I'll get help from wherever I can - google, youtube, friends, magazines - wherever - but I will do it!!" So maybe our headspace differs, but our body is essentially the same. It'll do as it's told.

Another thing I find strange is the attitude of feeling hard done by when missing out on something. Especially when it comes to food. I have had many responses to my nutrition with comments such as, "I just couldn't do without my ice cream after dinner", or, "I don't believe in missing out. I couldn't cope without my Sunday roast". You know I'm pretty honest so here's my response; I understand that ice-cream is good. Very good. But it was around when I was born, and it'll be around when I'm done, and it'll taste the same for the entire time and I won't miss out on a thing in the long term. I can't comprehend the taste of fat and sugar being something that holds me back from a goal. Same thing for the Sunday roast - it'll be there forever and it'll always taste sort of similar to what it did the first time around. It isn't worth fighting for.

Because in my honest opinion, people work better, play better and live better, when they have a goal. And a physical goal is a great way to get on top of your health & fitness. I mean a goal that will take some working towards like maybe a 5km fun run, or being able to jog the loop non-stop, or maybe even entering your first bodybuilding competition!!

But to achieve a goal, there must be sacrifice. No two ways about it. It'll take up time, it might cost a little money for some kit, it may mean saving money on shit food and re-spending it on fresh stuff, and it may mean facing something you don't particularly like sometimes - like some speed work on the oval, or hitting the gym for the 5th time in a week to conquer those triceps. Whatever it is, it'll hurt some days and feel great others. Some days you'll want to pack it all in and you'll wake up with the excuses rolling off your tongue non-stop - that's normal. What makes it a sacrifice is whether you give in to the very-believable excuses, or turn them off, fill your head with the positive stuff and get out and do it. Sometimes I need some of those corny gym motivation slogans to keep me going, or maybe I work better on those days that I think about compeititors and what they are doing, and sometimes I just give myself a stiff uppercut, pick up my bottom lip and go and do what I have to anyway!! But what goal is worth achieving if it doesn't take some blood, sweat & tears?

To hide away and fail to get out of the starters blocks because of ice cream or roast lamb is really pretty lame. To make one thousand excuses about time, energy and kids is also another way around facing it (sorry to offend - but it's true! There are so many ways to work around kids and time management, and the energy will come from the exertion so that's taken care of).

Another thing. If you are heading towards a goal, for goodness sake stop looking left and right!! There will be people on both sides trying to push you off your track. They'll say and do all sorts of things to undermine what you're doing because it makes them feel so uncomfortable to see you out of your usual box. But eventually they'll accept that you're staying strong and they'll either join you or leave you alone. Remember, I was chunky smoker who got around with a lot of other chunky smokers and we did a lot of smoking and eating back in the day. None of my 'friends' were very impressed when I launched into my first ever exercise campaign. Sadly, none joined me either and I was very much alone for a while there but I wouldn't change a thing. And I imagine a lot of them are still rather chunky, still chugging on the fags, and still think I'm crazy!! They can have their life as long as I get to keep mine!

In saying all of this, I actually do understand the reluctance to commit to something new and hard. This year there have been a few 'firsts' for me; first ever 10km fun run, first ever team challenge when our Just Doin It team completed the Katherine Ultra Challenge yesterday, first foray into group training with my little Bootcamp (now exactly one year old!)...and of course, first time entry into the world of competitive bodybuilding. The fear levels have been huge on some of these things, and I've dared to put myself out there for criticism and comment. But the positivity, friendship, team work and all of the other great things have far far far far far outweighed any of the perceived negatives. I say perceived because generally negative work goes on in the background and you don't really hear about it. You know it's there but if you don't focus on it, it doesn't get under your skin.

The reason I've ranted this week is because I'm heading into an extreme phase of my own training. There is exactly 7 weeks and 5 days until comp day and it's time to do some serious cutting. I can hear you already saying I'm looking lean enough as it is, and in normal circumstances I would agree. But this 'sport' isn't really normal and it's now getting to the extreme end of things. I need this cutting phase in order to let the muscles 'pop' out.

To achieve the leanness required, I now complete two hours of cardio each day. So I start the morning with one hour, then head to the gym for weights, then end the evening with another hour of cardio. I'm on day 2 of this regime with only another 12 to go. Is it hard? Oh crap yes!! It's really hard. My mind is where the battle for the day is won so I'm finding that less thought, more action, is the way to go. If I think too much about it, it dawns on me that my day revolves around training and it's too much to cope with. Along with that, it's mighty hard on the body. For this reason I've said goodbye to my last few treats. No more shop coffees, no more weekly glasses of wine. I'm fully focused on the path ahead and it's full steam until we get there.

Unfortunately Rob is heading off to a three week course this week and it probably couldn't come at a worse time as far as training goes. To combat this we are spending the afternoon pre-cutting and cooking a multitude of meals for both me and the kids so I will spend less time preparing and more time getting this training in. Pre-cut veges last extremely well in containers by the way, as does weighed and sliced meat. So I have three children (one is a pre-schooler) a shift working husband, two bootcamps, a job at the gym, and my own PT business to run, on top of a current 3hr/day training routine. If you want to talk about time management and fitting things in, come and see me!

One of my side-goals has always been to try and inspire people to get up and do it - right now! Don't wait until you're forced to for health or confidence reasons. Strike while the iron's hot and make it happen. Not too many people spend their life regretting getting fit. In fact, I haven't heard of one yet. Many make pompous statements about being "happy and fat" or "funny and round". All power to them if that's really and truly how they feel. But I suspect, deep, deep down, most of us want to be fit, healthy and able to take what life throws at us.

Is all of the hard work worth it in the end? I don't think 'the end' is the only focus. It's very insightful and exciting to see what I can do if I put my mind to it, and it's also amazing to watch the body as it changes. Besides, if I wasn't doing this what would I be doing? Watching tv? Eating ice cream? Carrying on as normal? Nothing wrong with any of that but surely a passage of life deserves some excitement in the form of an extreme goal now and again?

So I dare you to dream a little and then set it in motion. At least just once in your life.

Heels, Hair & Healthy Food....And Weights!!!

I have a friend. She just loves Gorges. I do what a friend does...and go to gorges with her. During the school holidays we have trekked through; El Questro Gorge, Emma Gorge, Cathedral Gorge, Mirella Gorge, Umbrawarra Gorge, and tomorrow we are off to run the steep hill at the Katherine Gorge. Some of them entailed quite a big walk over rocks, through waterways and around/through mud with two husbands and five kids in tow. All were picturesque but my favourite would have to be the Emma Gorge in WA. If you ever make it out that way, this is a 'must see' place. As we arrived a tourist made the comment, "No human could have made this place - it's just way too special", and he was right.

So we're back home from our fabulous WA camping holiday and I can admit that camping while 'in training' is bloody hard work! For a start, the mornings out west were like I imagine the Antarctic to be! Bitingly cold and wind that cuts you in half. I managed a couple of morning walks and runs on the old empty tummy, but the further south we got, the less I managed. Rob threw in a few weights and I got a fairly decent chest, back and biceps workout through the week, but I should and could have done more. While guilt is a waste of an emotion, it made it's way into my camper-trailer sleeps.

So we're home and we're into the single figures now - 9.5 weeks to be exact. To say "I'm scared" would be the understatement of the century. The more I think about this, the more momentous it becomes. So I'm not thinking about it too much.

I'm a liar. I think about this whole competition in one way or another for most of the day. It's all consuming. Why? Here's a selection of why;

1. My high-heels have arrived. They are 5.5 inches high with a nice thin heel. They hurt to put on, they hurt to walk in, and they don't seem to get much easier as I go along. I've taken to wearing them at night before bed. I do the dishes in them, clean the house, and all other night duties. I clack around like a little girl who's stolen them from her mum's wardrobe! This could be my undoing!!

2. Hair. Or lack of it.. I'm not even going to go there. Please take this in the light-hearted way it's supposed to be taken.....but this experience was every bit the traumatic occurrence I dreamt it would be....and some!!!!!! I cannot say anymore as the emotional wounds are still raw.

3. Healthy Food. My diet is changing constantly now and I can hardly keep up. Which is the whole point of the changes - to shock my body into a reaction. I'm well and truly into the 'cutting' phase and you may be able to gauge my hunger by just how much gum I'm chewing!! Two pieces and fast chewing means I'm flippin starving. One piece and a lazy chew means there's moderate hunger pains looming. I definitely eat enough to keep my energy levels going, but there's not a whole lot of substance and nothing you will ever find on a restaurant menu.

4. Cardio. I cockily made many comments about how sad I am about being told to back off the cardio, and how much I missed it. Looking back, the lack of food is obviously causing me to tell lies. I didn't miss it at all. Now I'm back on it and it's truly hard to get going. I'm still easing into this very gently as we don't want all of our cards on the table at once. We also don't want too intense cardio as my precious muscles would become the fuel and I would lose muscle size. I've worked far too hard to give it away over a quick run. For now I'm relegated to the morning walking brigade (there are a few of us at 6am) and I love that it is still dark. This morning over breakfast my son said, "Mum...no offence but those socks don't look good with those pants". "Why darling - are you referring to the stripey soccer socks, pulled up high, and my three quarter daggy track pants? I'm surprised you didn't notice the grotty old sweatshirt, the completely uncombed hair and the sports socks I wear on my hands to keep them warm?"

5. Weights. Same same. They are hard, heavy, frequent and annoyingly hard! They never get easier and chin ups still suck the big kahuna! I have no idea what a day without muscle pain is, but I still relish every ache and pain because it means I'm in the right zone. I've started a weekly massage to correct some of the muscular problems I've developed - that are normal for anyone lifting regular weights. Sadly the massage isn't one of those found on a beach in Bali. More the sort where you leave feeling (and looking) like you've been run over by a bus. Why o why must my head lie declined into that pillow!! It always makes my nose run.

And I laugh at all of this because I'm in the thick of organising the 'glamour' side of this comp. Nails, make-up, hair, bling, shoes, tan. Yet nothing I've written about today has any part in the word GLAMOUR!!!

Is it all worth it? Bloody oath it is!! Loving every minute of it.

Damn. Think I just told another lie. Need food.

Here's probably my biggest change in the last 6 months. Those blasted legs have started toning and I'm on my way to liking them even though the change is somewhat subtle. Boy oh boy they've been a lot of work, I cannot lie about that!!

Now                                                                               February 12

A Day In The Life

Every wondered what it's like to live a day in the life of someone else? I have. Normally I dream about being rich, a little famous (not too much because I'm crap at doing makeup/hair before I step out the door), and having my own private chef, gardener and assistant. So I don't imagine that there is anyone in the world who would actually dream what it's like to be in my humble shoes...however I'm going to give you a day's worth anyway. Cos I can. Cos it's my blog.

Here is a typical day in my little life. Weird as it is at the moment.

0130 Wake just a little to remind myself that the alam will be going off at 0545.

0145 Another little nudge to self that alarm is going off earlier than usual today.

0230 Quick peek at the clock to see if it's any closer to 0545.

0300 Damn - 0545 is rolling in fast!

0345 Blimin tired now.

0430 Shit and blast. Only 1.25 hours of sleep left!

0545 While finally in a deep, deep sleep, alarm goes off. So not fair!

0545.01 Leap out of bed in my one moment of strength. Straight into clothes that are laid out next to bed. It's freezing here right now so I have long socks, track pants, thermal t-shirt, sweatshirt and hat. I can't face doing hair so early so I reign it in and literally stuff it under cap.

0547 Very quietely brush my teeth. Can't do anything or go anywhere with morning breath. Always remembering that ensuite pipes back onto small son's room so I have to forgo moisture. It's a dry brush today.

0550 Grab a pair of sports socks and stuff them over hands. I have no mittens and this will have to do. Yesterday I thought my hands would snap off after becoming frozen in snow blizzard (exaggeration).

0552 Out the door. Hard turn right down path to park. 180 degree turn when realising that the park sprinklers were on. They are ruthless and accurate and being sprayed with icy cold water at 0552 is not cool. Head down the road instead.

I'm walking fast. Too fast. I'm not allowed to run and I'm trying to stick to the rules, but find I walk just under a run..which isn't good for the body. My first ever 'walk-not-run' was for one hour and I clocked up close to 6km. Which is quite good considering I had to motivate a 10 and 8 year old to keep up. Then had to carry the 8 year old on my back for 2km because she had a sore stomach due to not being able to find a private spot for a quick toilet break. An extra 23kg (thank god she's a light 10 year old!!) made it a truly gruelling walk and I woke the following day with sore shins, heels and toes. Have since figured that it's ok to walk when I'm walking.

0625 Have made it to the first bridge past 'The Cow' (it's actually a bull but everyone in Katherine calls it 'The Cow'. I know it's a cow because my son jumped up and started to 'milk' it last week, and then I noticed that he didn't actually have hold of it's udders!!!). Keep walking to the next bridge.

I've passed two people walking dogs, and been 'beeped' out of the way by a couple of keen riders. I've blurted "hullo" to them all but only received one "hullo" back. Thought they were being rude but later remembered that most people these days have ipods in their ears and can't hear a thing. They are all forgiven.

0655 Home to warmth!!! Treat myself with a cup of hot coffee, using soy milk only. Woohoo - just remembered it's 'Dairy Free Week'!!! Happy days.

0715 Whizzing up; 2 x scoops of WPC (protein combination), 1tsp vital greens (a concoction of green everything!! Looks like spirulina powder but tastes better...should do at $170 p/kg!!!), and a couple of cubes of ice to keep it interesting. Sit at computer and read paper while sipping brekkie. Yum!!

0719 Brekkie over. Battle with 2 kids to get them ready for school. Arguments galore over uniforms, lunches, dishes, breakfast, shoes, socks, hair, teeth...and anything else we can scream at each about before we walk out the door.

0750 Big kids off to school. Smiles on their dials - no one would ever imagine the chaos, tears and yelling we just completed behind closed doors. Ahhh - thank goodness for doors!

0815 Out the door with child #3. Check for the following: work bag, diary, new clothes for post workout, training belt, gloves, supplements, towel, water, training schedule, phone, glasses, lunchbox, nut paste, child #3 and car keys. Race back inside to down 2 x flaxseed caps, 1 x multivitamin & a chewable vitamin C (Vit C linked to skin elastisity - am eating them like crazy to get bum skin tight!!).

0830 Child in creche. Client #1 arrives. Have a brilliant workout.

0930 Client #2. Another fab 60mins.

1030 Scheduled Break. Race to work kitchen & grab 100g of cooked, diced chicken from fridge. Nuke for 20seconds to take cold edge off. Mix with tsp of nut paste (OMG it's soooooo goood!!!!) and scoff the whole lot in about 8 seconds.

1045 Next client please!! Thank god for my clients - they keep me sane.

1145 Time for me. Organise my water, down my creatine, start loading up with BCAA's (amino acid recovery drink) and choose workout. Crap. It's chinups and chest today. You already know the chinup story and it's pretty much the same drama each and every session. But I labour through and feel great and it's done. The rest is systematic; Incline press, pressups, flies, bench press. 5 sets. 15 reps per set. I try to fit in another 20min walk on the treadmill but am fighting my mind. Want to go home!!! Need to get the 'cardio' in. Won't tell you which of them won the battle!

1330 Done. Absolutely and utterly done. Nothing left. Hungry, tired, sore & ready for home. Down another shaker full of protein and glutamine for recovery.

1345 Home now. Throw 75grms silken tofu under the grill. Feeling cheeky so splash a little soya sauce on top. Bad move. Sauce burns and it all looks like a charred mess in no time. Too bad. No time to recook. Mix it with steamed green veges and 25g (do you know how ridiculously small 25grms of anything is??????????????) pink salmon (from a can - you know the sort - complete with little vetebraes!!!) and down it in 10 secs flat.

1410 Cup of coffe. Soy milk only but who cares. It's coffee. Truth is, it's not 'on the list' but I'm a rebel. I drink it anyway. Quick read of the online paper, facebook and emails while sipping my soy gold! Swallow 3 fish oil tabs.

Time to catch up on some washing and tidying up.

1430 Big kids home. Homework is out and on the table. Fighting begins. #3 always picks this time to be extra naughty. Ditch homework and give them iceblocks instead. I didn't every propose to be mother-of-the-year did I!! Clean up the instantaneous mess these 3 create after 5 mins home. Pick up discarded and filthy socks, pick up a trail of schoolbooks and arty pictures, undo lunchboxes containing a veritable explosion of yoghurt!!

1500 Crap. Forgot to get dinner done. Start peeling veges. Anything for the kids. For me; savoy cabbage, zucchini, green capsicum, brussel sprouts & broccoli - there's a pattern here. It's green, green, green!! Feeling ruddy hungry while preparing so help myself to some nice, long, crunchy stems of celergy. Wacky doo!!

1530 Round up kids and their karate outfits. Make extra sandwiches as snacks for kids at Bootcamp. Finish dinner prep and get rooms ready for bed.

1615 Kids out the door and down to the Bootcamp oval. Love Bootcamp and the kids love it to. Tried to leave #3 at home one evening and he sobbed the whole hour so it's become a punishment to stay at home. Love the fact that our children are immersed in healthy activities all the time.

1616 Race back inside and grab 10 (that's Ten, not eleven!!) almonds. Naughty as I am, I grab about 10 sultanas too - they are a no-no but again, I'm a rebel. Slowly munch on these 20 little morsels and make them last as long as I can.

1800 After setting up, my team arrives. I'm hungry and a bit wound up. No worries at all - just start motivating others and I find all of my energy back again. Have NEVER finished a bootcamp feeling like crap. Always revitalised and grateful for the hour.

1830 Walk in the house after Bootcamp. Can smell the cooking dinner and start salivating. It's not my dinner by the way - it's next door. Kids straight into shower. Unpack car. Cook dinner and feed kids. Clean up yet again. Kids to bed by 1900-1930 so it's story time and listening to anything new that must be explained to me...right on bed time. Listen to complaints of headaches and sore tummies...that did not appear at any other time than the aforementioned bed time. Deal with ailments and moans and finally crack it and yell at them all to shuddupandgotasleep!!!

1930 Make lunches and prepare dinner. 150g for me, 200g for Rob (sorry honey - you're in there with me on this one!!) of chicken. Stirfry in a dry pan. Add pre-cut veges and stir-fry the living hell out of them all. A bit of rice or bread for Rob but none for me. Try to fit in tomorrow's school lunches at this time too. Never can find time in the morning and the bad sammies reflect the rush which makes me feel guilty. Better to do it the night before. Or teach kids how to do it themselves!!

2000 Dinner. It takes a surprisingly short time to eat 150g of protein with some veges. How sad. Finish and complete programs and preparations for the next day. Answer emails and have another look at the posing bikinis and the colours available - will the decision ever be made? I'm not sure!

2042 Pill time. 3 x fish oil, 2 x glucosamine with chrondroitin (impressed???), 1 x cholorophyll, 1 x multivitamin. Magnesium in water should follow....but often doesn't. All powdered and pill'ed out.

2045ish Dessert. Oolala!!! 350ml soya milk, 1 scoop soy protein powder, 1tsp vital greens, 2 cubes of ice and a good whizzer!! This is the highlight of my evening and I enjoy every last slurp!!!

2100 Cup of tea. Soy milk.

2130 BED!!!! This is actually an early night. Lately it's been about 2230 but we're bringing it back in due to excessive yawning noticed in the afternoons.

2132 Have a quick moan about the things I didn't get done today. On the top of the list is posing practice and organsing a massage for these very tight shoulders. Hector the posing-trainer says I look like one of those robot dancers from the 80's - all stiff and tight. Thanks Hector.

Mental note to deal with these issues in the morning. Quick chuckle to self at the fact that I will probably not remember at all and will spend tomorrow night thinking exactly the same thoughts!! Why? Because I've been meaning to do both things for the past five days to no avail.

2140 Have a read of the latest Mens Fitness magazine. Let mind wander to how I could integrate some of those ideas into client workouts. "Would it be too mean to make him do 20 Turkish Getups on each arm using kettlebells? Hell no. He'll love it! Done!" And he did do it - and I'm sure he loved it!!

2200ish Sleep arrives.

2345 Just checking the time. Gotta wake up a little early tomorrow for the morning walk......

Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments When....

...you wish the floor would open up and swallow you whole??? You know - when your embarrassment is so complete that you can hardly remain alive???? Your face is flaming with heat, it's as red as a fire and it scarily feels like your cheeks actually have their own heartbeat??? It takes a whopper of an 'incident' to get to this point. But it does happen. I promise. It  happened to me last weekend. But I'll get to that.

I'm one of those people that has so many embarrassing 'incidents' that it's hard to pick out any single one that is worse than the rest. Time is definitely a healer and it has turned most of the historic embarrassments into funny stories, rather than the torture they were at the time of happening. So I've never been good at the whole "too cool for school" caper. It just never worked for me, even when I tried hard at it.

Let's take, for example, the time when I was a 17 year old office junior, taking my lunch break and feeling oh-so-important walking down the street with two of the senior office managers either side of me. They were going out to buy a sandwich and normally ignored little old me but, for some reason, this time invited me along. So how come, though I was walking in the middle, I was the only one who fell down the manhole???? How the hell does that happen? And there was absolutely no point in the world trying to gather my 'coolness' back while I still required physical assistance to extract both legs out of the said manhole, and ended up emerging with shredded pantyhose and dirty, smelly, brown, muddy ....shit....all over my legs and shoes!! No point whatsoever!!! The ever-caring managers just about fell over themselves with trying to pull me out but I would honestly and truly have preferred to have been swallowed up whole by the earth than have to deal with this situation. The memory now makes me laugh...with a few little prickles of embarrassment still present.

Anyhow, on to the present. So last weekend I headed to Darwin for my posing-session with a trainer called Karlene. Except I wasn't actually greeted by Karlene when I arrived at the gym, but by her partner/boyfriend, Hector. Now Hector has enough muscle on him to feed a small African tribe for a year, and he's fully South American, and as funny as all heck! That is, when I can understand him. He speaks fast and I find myself lip-reading a fair bit. But I forgave him as time went on because he's good, really good! He is a ripping example of a body-builder and teaches beautifully.

Nope, the intro to Hector has nothing to do with the 'incident'. It involves some of the attire worn by a female body builder. Now, it's prudent to point out that the female of this species wears extremely little attire when competing. So what is worn needs to do it's job extremely well least all hell break loose. Get to the point.

A few months ago, my gorgeous friend, Kylie, loaned me her proper little bodybuilding high-heels that she wore to a show a few years back. They are a typical style for a competition, consisting of an approx 1cm platform, and a 5.5cm very narrow high heel. The top of the shoe is a clear plastic strip with a thin strap around the heel. Quite unremarkable really. But very important.

So I produced these shoes for Hector's judgemental eye and, in a thick South American accent he said something like, "These shoes are shit. They are falling apart. I think you should tape them up before you walk in them". I peered closer and saw the smallest of small little lifts in the top part of the shoe where it met with the towering high heel. "Oh .... it'll be just fine thank you very much" I cockily retorted, thinking he was being a bit over-the-top (and mildly offensive!) about my little heels!

So we got started with our session and I started learning about Side Chest, and Front Biceps, and Side Left Tricep poses. I practised and practised and practised until my brain literally ached with the effort of remembering the moves. It turned into a blur of commands like, "squeeze your glutes" "never stop smiling" "thighs! Flex your thighs!" "Glutes again!!!" "Feet in, butt out, legs together, lats spread, and DON'T STOP SMILING!!!" It was overwhelming but challenging and exciting all in one.

And then the moment came. "Time for shoes on. Are you sure you don't want to tape them up before we start" he said with a cheeky little smile. "It would be a shame to roll your heel after all of the hard work you've done"

Me...cheerily..."No thanks! They'll be fine. But thanks for caring"

Him..."Ok. (why won't he stop smiling!!) "Walk on that stage, drop two poses, kiss the air and show us how it's done. Wait....I'll give you a quick intro......(after years of participating in police training sessions, Hector has no idea just how much I hate role-plays!! any form of them!!! but I'll play the game!!!) and here we have Kirsten from Katherine!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then I'm strutting out like a contestant on Next Top Model. I've got the jaunty little walk, hand on hip, cheeky smile. And I'm workin it baby!!!

Then it happened. Without warning. At precisely, and I mean precisely, the same millisecond, both bottoms of both shoes disengaged themselves from...well from the whole bloody shoe!! I immediately went from a towering 5ft9inches to 5ft6inches....well shorter actually if you count the height I lost in pure embarrassment! And I find myself trotting along with my feet strapped in clear plastic to a dirty white sole/sock thingie!!! And I can hear both heels clattering around behind me, like a pair of those dancing false teeth party tricks.

EMBARRASSMENT was total. My face burned and I just about died right there and then. Worse of all, I couldn't escape my predicament due to my feet being tightly strapped in to the soles! Meanwhile, Hector the trainer is just about falling off his chair with laughter. In between laughs he's pointing out how stubborn women are when it comes to taking instruction. I'm laughing with him but my pride has taken the ultimate tumble and I'm hurtin!!! Oh God - please swallow me...NOW!!!!

He didn't. And I didn't die. I just felt like I would. They say that pride does go before a fall, which means I must have had an awful lot of pride somewhere along the way.

But I must say that, all in all, it was a brilliant training session. Hector was fantastic, and I'm all on track. Just gotta remember, nothing is ever that serious, and laughter is a great way to start and end the day.

On that. I really hope you're smiling Kylie!! Though I tried resusitation, the shoes are deceased! I owe you one! ....two actually!

X

16 Weeks & 5 Days To Go!!

While that may seem a lot of weeks, it's time to start making some firm decisions. Let's start with the really important ones;

1. Spandex or Crushed Velvet?

2. Bling shaped in a delicate little 'rainfall' formation? Or a Star Wars style, meteor-smashing bundle of glistening rocks???

3. The 'Genevieve' style of shoes with the heart shape on the toe? Or the 'Diane' style with the little diamantes up the heel?

4. 15cm or 18cm across the bum??? Both scare the heck out of me!! Mental note: MUST make waxing appointment one day very soon or I'll be wearing bike shorts!

So while I'm pondering the answers to these mammoth and life-changing questions, I have little time to consider my new daily nutrition guide (sounds so nice when phrased like that! Should really read "My Extremely Tiny Weeny Wee List Of Things That I Can Actually Eat, And When To Eat Them' list!!!). Before you 'x' out of this or roll your eyes at my endless moaning about food, I must point out that I am not looking for sympathy! Absolutely and unequivocally not!! In fact, I was taught once that sympathy should remain firmly between shit and syphilis in the dictionary! Crude maybe, but that's how it is.

I'm more expressing my feelings about this way of life in order to; a) give you all a laugh, and b) not feel alone in my strange quest for muscle.

So this new daily guide is aligned with my blood type. The theory being that your body is more suited to some foods than others, therefore if you follow what your body best needs, it will process the food more easily and produce less problems and/or cravings. Unfortunately I have spent the majority of my life following another blood type!!! Damn!! In my honest opinion, my blood seems to have not had a problem with all of the cheese, milk and yoghurt I've thrown at it! And I have definitely given it enough to really test the boundaries!! But apparently this is not the right thing for me and it's time to stop.

Along with a few changes in food groups, I have had to face my hugest addiction.....FRUIT!! I love it! I crave it! I actually wake up thinking about mandarins and apples and grapes, and never miss an opportunity to stuff my face with some variation of fruit between Woolies and home. It has definitely become out of control and I have searched high and low for a 12 Step Program, without success.

And when I got my new eating plan on Friday I actually, physically said to Rob, "I'm going to start on my new plan on Monday morning. It seems the sensible thing to do." Now those that know me, know I consistently harp on about not waiting to get started on...anything!! The old "I'll wait til Monday" thing turns it into a big event and leads to binging and burning for the days preceding Monday. I hate that thinking and yet there I was, blabbing it off in such an authoritative tone that no one would dared have argued!!

Thankfully within 5minutes of feeling very guilty and trying to justify it all in my mind, I decided that the perfect time to start was right here and now. So I just did it. No pomp and ceremony. No laborious conversations or shopping trips. I just started. Since Friday I have limited myself to; frozen berries in my morning shake (as per my blood type regime - seems my blood doesn't mind berries thank goodness), and a mid morning orange as a great source of carbohydrates and a little smidgin (?!) of fructose sugar!

My danger time is after dinner when I could slip in about 5-8 pieces of ....whatever I could find in the fruit bin. So I'm eating dinner and, as per my program, having a soy milk drink followed by a cup of tea before bed. Nice? It's ok. It's not fruit and never will be. But it will get me to my goal and I can assure you, that's what I want most of all right now!!

Change of topic now. How about the training? Woohoo - back to my big reps, more exercises, routine. Love it and I'm sore and aching all over again!!! Can't tell you how happy that makes me feel! I got a text from one of my PT clients this week saying "I'm glad my pain is making you so happy" and I realised just how sadistic my mind has become. 

The emphasis is strongly on back and legs for now, and cardio is looking to take a big turn in the very near future. So if you see me walking briskly down the bike track, it's not that I've got an injury, it's just that I need to start concentrating on dropping fat while maintaining muscle. Not that easy when doing full-blast cardio sessions on the treadmill. Will keep you updated on this one - it's sure to produce a tirade of moaning from me. Oh well, least it's about something other than food for a change!!

Ok. I need to sort out shoes and outfit right now. Still sitting on the fence about the bling styles. Life is good!

I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I BLOODY WELL DID IT!!!

"What did you do?" you may rightly ask. I DID 10 BLOODY CHIN UPS, ALL IN A ROW!!!!! WOOT WOOT WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!

And I discovered something about myself that I've always suspected. I am prone to having a touch of tourettes when attempting to conquer a high intensity challenge. For those non-familiar with such a syndrome, it leads me, beyond my control, to suffer a short but sharp outburst of anti-social language at the completion of something intense. In all honesty, giving in to the pressure to swear feels really good. Like a cigarette used to taste when having my first cold glass of wine on a Friday afternoon. I realise that it's particularly un-ladylike but heck schmeck, I've always been honest and today shall be no exception.

My suspicions were first aroused to this in 1998, when I sat my first police fitness test in New Zealand. The physical test comprised of a 2.4km run, to be completed in 11.15m (10.15m for the guys - regardless of age), followed by 20 continuous pressups, a vertical leap, a grip test and a couple of others that I can't remember. Success in these exercises meant you had a half hour break before completing a fairly gruelling obstacle course which included; pushing a trailer, running with a tyre assembly, jumping (god knows why!!) through a window, scaling a 1.8m flat wall, sprinting, some silly slalem cones, pulling a ruddy heavy 'body' (stuffed body-sized bag), and manouvering over a 10ft hurricane wire fence.

To back up the truck a little, once-upon-a-time inn 1998, I was at a rockin good wedding party, and I was a little...shall we say...under the weather. I weighed ..... too much, drank..... too much, smoked... too much and didn't really have my sights set on anything much at all. In short, I threw myself at pretty much nothing and achieved it beautifully each and every day.

So, at this party I met one of the police bosses for that district and he dared, and then double-dared, me to try out for the Police. Now, I couldn't actually even see straight at the time but, between drags on the ciggie, I tried really hard to focus on what he was saying, and somewhere along the way, my eyes changed colour (something they do when I get perturbed) and I tried to figure out whether he was serious or seriously taking the piss out of me. Because, seriously, I didn't look the least bit like cop-material! Especially around the diff!!

But somehow that comment wouldn't leave me alone, and later that night when I devoured a hot cheese and onion toasted sandwich, I was still thinking about his words. The following Monday I, very self-consciously, phoned police recruiting and got the info I needed. They didn't really go into any other detail than what the physical test consisted of. Excited??? NOT!!! I'd never run before in my life and never saw the need to jump through windows, push trailers or scale walls!!

So I had another fag and thought it all through. Never one to admit defeat I wandered along to the local gym and spoke with a personal trainer. I still vividly remember him. Masoud Sadari. He was middle eastern and looked a lot like Borat. He reckoned, with the cockiness that only a PT can muster, that he could get me over the line, not a worry at all. I reckoned the $35 per session would be well earned by him.

From there I started seeing my obssessive side poking it's head out. I had a date for the test worked out and about.....ooooo......8 weeks to get my butt moving!! (I don't like long term goals - much prefer the quick fix!!). So I started planning my life around this new training regime. And I have to say - it hurt like hell!!! That little trainer (he was about 5ft nothing) would actually lie down in the middle of the grass 400mt oval and have the audacity to loudly yawn if he thought I was going a little slow!!! I would literally seeth with fury at him and imagine building enough upper body strength to knock his little head in! I think the passion I had to hurt him really helped me with my training actually. So once a week he would have me run that bloody track six times around to check on my time. The first time it was about 23 minutes and I felt shattered. Drastic action had to be taken.

So I started racing up to the gym in my one hour lunch break. I'd have a sneaky smoke in my car on the way there, set the treadmill as high as I could handle, shove in earplugs and listen to Oprah Winfrey while I smashed my legs as fast as they would go - which really wasn't fast at all!! I was completely happy if I managed to get the 2.4km done in under 23m.

I then started to run to and from work. I remember putting my clothes and lunch in a backpack and running while listening to Alanis Morissette very loudly. On the first day I got so focused that I didn't notice the top of my bag had rubbed a fairly good sized hole out of my skin at the base of my neck so I modified the bag with a towel. There was no way it was going to stop me running.

Slowly, slowly my time for the 2.4km started decreasing and, the week before my test, I managed to push out 11.18min. And here's where my 'condition' emerged. I finished the run and checked out my watch and saw that I had come in under 11.30m, which to me was like winning gold at the Olympics!!  I then let rip with some very loud, very choice words which even had my trainer blushing. But I was on a high and nothing was going to stop me....so I celebrated with a Benson & Hedges Gold!!!!

One week later, it was a bit cold, a bit windy and I lined up with about 8 guys, ready to sit this test that had kept me up with diarrhea nerves all night!! I was a mental and physical wreck and felt like I could cry at any point. When the PT copper blew his whistle, all of the fellas ran off like they were in a bloody 100m sprint race! I was absolutely devestated. I was literally left plodding along on my own and, compared to them, I felt like I was almost walking. I didn't live far away and seriously contemplated running home and sneaking back later to get my bag. But I didn't. I kept plodding around that road with a really heavy heart, thinking I'd blown it. The two PTI's were following us in a car and they kept leaning out the window and smiling nicely, mouthing sweet little motivating words. But I could see what they were thinking, "haha - check out this one - my Grandma could get past her in a zimmerframe. She's shithouse!!". Yep, I just know they were thinking that!!

Over the next 11 odd minutes I couldn't shake the feeling of doom and felt even more stupid when the guys had finished their run and they kindly ran back to do the last few hundred metres with me. At that time in my life I didn't really embrace the whole 'team spirit' thing and just thought they were doing it to show off. So I put my head down and sprinted as fast as I could for the last 50mt and almost fell over the line. I can remember the tears stinging my eyes and thinking how stupid I looked. As if they wanted a sookie-la-la in their force anyhow!

And then the PTI simply said, "Edwards - 11m13s, well done. Inside for the pressups". Are you *****n serious????? I did it????? I actually did it???? WOOO HOOOOOO - I DID DO IT!!!! I BLOODY DID IT!!! ............................ (insert a whole lot of other similar phrases that I don't really want to repeat but sufficient to say that my tourettes was alive and well that day).

And the rest is pretty much history. I completed the next few tests without too much of a worry and went on to blitz (haha- still a bullshitter - I 'finished' I didn't 'blitz') the obstacle course. Funny the things you remember - I went home and had a magnum icecream to celebrate!! I was on a cloud even higher than cloud 9!

A couple of months later I packed my bags and flew to windy Wellington in September 1998 where I began a six month stint at the Royal New Zealand Police College.

Do you know that I still get goosebumps when I remember the feeling of conquering what felt like a Mt Everest sized challenge? And I know that I know that I know that most of the winning is completed inside your head! There were so many - SOOO MANY!!! - days that I did not want to do that lunchtime run! I would have much rather had a leisurely coffee, sandwich and gossip with my colleagues. Hells bells, it even limited my cigarette time!! It made me conscious of my alcohol consumption and it really upset my fast food Saturdays!

But I will never - NEVER NEVER NEVER - forget how it felt to stand in the NZ Police Academy and be sworn in as  a Constable. It was one of the proudest days of my life and it led me to a career that I absolutely loved. And the best part about it was it took me a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get there so I didn't take it for granted - ever! No dirty old cigarette, toasted sandwich or even cold stubbie of beer will ever taste as good as the success of getting where I wanted to go.

So here I am, a 'few' years later and I'm facing yet another huge challenge. Is it like Mt Everest? Bloody oath it is!! I now have a few more years under my belt, three children, a shift working husband, no family support close by, a fantastic but very busy job, a small business and most nights are full with bootcamps and challenger sessions. On top of this I train six weight sessions and three-four cardio sessions per week. Just to add the icing on the cake, I'm choosing not to eat what most of the world eats so have to make sure I constantly have access to my food choices.

Do I love it? HELL YES!!!!! I'm on a wild ride at the moment and each week I'm seeing little successes. I'm dogged in my approach and will not, can not give up until I get to my goal!! Nothing will stop me and I've proved that you can keep up this regime at home, away on holiday, with visitors staying, on your own......it just takes some fiddling to keep the balance right and some real, tangible (not lip service) committment to the bigger goal.

Are there any side effects? Oh gosh yes!!!! Some days I'm tired - so bloody tired that I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head. And I'm still a bit of a sookie lala so I do have a few good cries now and again. I actually think it's quite soothing even though it still freaks Rob out a little.....after 13 years of seeing me cry for just about any reason at all. And some days I feel an awful lot of guilt about how self-centered it can be. But, in all reality, that guilt is just something that is there - whether I was doing this or not, I'd feel it for one reason or another so I don't dwell on it.

All of this big long story was to illustrate just how wonderful I felt when I got to my mini-goal of completing 10 full chinups this week. After which I fell on the floor and let my tourettes take over. I then did five more sets but could only manage 5 at each set.

The chinups have made amazing changes to my biceps and I fully recommend them as an addition to boring old curls. The increase in muscle has been brilliant.

Do I want to get to 15 chinups? Not sure. Not sure the gym members could cope with my language if I managed that. But I've got a few other little goals to hit and one is to squat 100kgs. I'm at 77.5kg so a way to go but, bit by bit, I'll get there.

Just for tonight, my mini goal is to get to bed before 10.30pm and I'm not sure I can achieve it but my first step is to get off this computer.........

But I just want to say this also - almost as good as achieving my own goals is seeing and being a part of others reaching theirs. And that's what makes my current role as a trainer so brilliant. I thrive on watching people achieve. I get frustrated when they don't, and I want to lend them a little of my committment. I want them to feel how it feels to get to where they want to be. I am so certain that if they felt the success, they would never give up again!!

So that's what drives me each and every day to keep going. I just love it!!