I said in my last post that it was the hardest two weeks of all. I lied. Actually, I didn't lie because at that time they were the hardest. The preceding two weeks have now trumped those other two weeks to become The Hardest Weeks Of All. I want to start at the beginning but there really is no beginning, or middle, or end. It's all just one big blur. A combination of very little food, huge amounts of cardio, heavy horrible weights and the continuation of 'real life' around it all.
At times, during my running, I imagine a fork in the road.
Left Fork = "it's almost done, you're almost there, no injuries, no huge hiccups, the end is in sight!!! You go girl".
Right Fork = "this is all too fecking HARD!!!!! Just be like Forrest Gump and decide to stop. Give up. You're too hungry. Stop now. Cut your losses and quit. No one will care!!!!"
I would love to take the high ground and say that I veer to the left each time however the right hand fork is the one I've listened to most of my life. Which is why I have previously missed the finish line. Which is why I decided to do this bloody competition in the first place!!! So the Right Fork isn't a valid option but it is the one I listen to a little more than I should.
And I want to make one thing crystal clear. I wrote this blog as a way of portraying my honest and genuine journey throughout this year toward the competition. I'm not going to 'positive it all up' so that I don't sound like a sad sack. I can't - it wouldn't be honest. I also do not require any pep-talks or compliments, unless you want to give them (all support is always gratefully received) but I certainly don't want anyone to think that I'm fishing for them. I'm not. I'm just being honest. Something I've always appreciated from others when going through tough times. So I'm here, I'm telling you the black and white and grey of it all as I see it.
The Support
But to start things off.. I have to say that I have not valued, leaned on and loved my friends more than I have this past few months. In my hungry and emotional state, I am moved by the support I've had/have this year. I feel incredibly undeserving because I realise that this is a very self-absorbed mission I'm embarking on. I feel like I've dragged people into my dream and, rather than telling me to rack off, they are all sharing it with me. I couldn't be luckier and I couldn't be happier in this respect. I feel hugely privileged and very much like I want to give back to them. I'll keep looking for ways to do that.
Other areas of support have been the lovely article in the Katherine Times - thanks Annie! The Ultimate Gym & Fitness in Darwin offering me sponsorship in the form of some goodies, the Katherine YMCA offering me some financial support to help with comp expenses and a few other places that I will mention next time, along with some exciting news that I'll keep under my hat for now.
Spotting & Snotting
These go together this time because I have had a few tear spill-overs lately! And my darling husband has been there to look after the spotting and snotting. Again I put this down to the lack of substantial food. I have been living on a menu of tuna, salad, fish, green veges & protein shakes. Still completing 2 x 1hr cardio sessions daily and then aiming to continue hard and heavy weights sessions.
The first 3-4 days of this 'diet' is manageable, however, after 2 weeks it becomes seriously apparant that the body is lacking in the fundamental energy needed just to cope with situations. I became seriously uptight, very very emotional, and lacking any sort of the whizz-bang energy that makes life fun. I'm decently good at hiding it all and consider myself to be a very robust sort of person. I can run on empty quite well and pride myself that I did not miss a cardio or weight session while feeling like this. But do I recommend it? Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lucky it is only for a period of time. It was four weeks on that regime and changes have happened this week - hence the energy and clarity to write this.
On top of the above snot session, I ran to the weigh bridge the other day and when I got there, a road train went past and gave me a big toot. I immediately burst into tears and snotted my way back while thinking that even the stupidest bit of support by an unknown truck driver was enough to make me feel so emotional and grateful. I'm sure he felt insanely sorry for me as it was about 36 degrees and I look fairly emaciated at the moment!! To add to this feeling, Rob drove past twice with the kids hanging out of the window yelling out, "Hi Mummy! I love you Mummy!!" How can you not keep running and crying at that.
Squatting (in case you wondered - I post back pics because I'm not ready to turn around yet and face the world in a bikini!! Yikes!!)
As mentioned, I'm still lifting hard and heavy and very regularly. My routine has just changed yet again and I now have to complete 2 x legs plyo sessions & 1 x legs weights session per week, along with the usual upper body sessions and 2 x 1hr cardios per day - with 2 of those extended to 1.5hrs. How do I fit this all in? A question I ask myself each and every day. In fact, I no longer think about tomorrow. I just put one foot in front of the other and complete the day's tasks before I even contemplate the next move.
I only have 2 more weeks to pull these wretched legs into line and then it's time to lay off them and let them recover pre-comp. Then another 10 days after that before the cardio also becomes a blissful past memory. Can't wait!!!
For now though, legs are heavy heavy heavy! And lots of plyo - jumping, leaping, skipping. Yesterday Tammy and I completed a gruelling session involving 15 x heavy weighted exercises immediately followed by a 20 x plyo reps. Then 1.5mins between sets, 4 sets. Four Exercises in total and it was a solid one hour, sweat filled session that has left me today with bum cheeks that feel like hot irons have pierced them! Oh yeah - we preceded the session with 80 lunges on each leg...just for fun!
Food
Change has occurred and I'm now cycling carbs and going cleaner than ever. Some days I have 3 x carb meals - well...meals is maybe too strong a word. I'm allowed to add 40g of oats or 150g of sweet potato to my plate on some meals. Other days I revert back to no carbs. It's time to fill out a little before dropping back to the world of lean in the few days pre-comp. I've now dropped protein shakes and most of my supplements to 'clean things up' and they'll stay away from here on in I believe.
The Rest
I'm now starting to concentrate on all of the finer details that need to be address; Hair - my beautiful friend, Julie C (can't spell her name!!), is looking after me and we had a trial run at her new little salon at Tindal. And yes - she does take all women and children out there, not just RAAF men! I'm stoked with the look she came up with and think it will look great with my outfit. Nails - have booked into a salon on the Friday. Can't do fake nails because I hate the damage they do when I get rid of them so will concentrate on growing them in the meantime. Tan - well...you'll just have to wait and see with this one! Jewellery - nice and loud, sparkly and bright, and cheap!!
So that's all for now. It's all getting exciting now but there is still a job to be done and it needs to be completed whether that be midday or midnight! I'm no longer a quitter. I'll finish this race and I'll look back and remember that I didn't do it on my own this time. I had a fair few shoulders to lean on...and that made it all the more possible.
Thank you. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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