So Where To From Here?

I started this blog back in January and, at that time, I honestly thought that one competition in Darwin would see the end of my dabble into bodybuilding. I was wrong. I'm sure that comes as a surprise to few.

 

To say I'm hooked would be an overstatement I think. The food issue is huge and scary. It's all too fresh in my mind to not have the horrors when thinking of the fatigue, frustration and intrusion that the last few weeks had into every area of my life. I don't relish the challenge as much as I should...but I do have a firm belief that I could do it again....and again...and again. In fact I'm planning ways to make it more bearable next time!

 

There we go with that 'next time!' thing again!! So what does it all mean?

 

Well, the INBA competition has been brought forward from September to May 2013 meaning it's only 7 months away! Along with this comp, there seems to be talk of another one just a week later in Darwin - twice the fun! With Christmas caught up in that time, seven months is not a long to work on the goals I have in mind - and boy do I have some goals!!! As follows;

 

1. Goal #1 - Size Matters

 

When I look at the pictures from both comps, I can see that I need to build up some muscle in particular areas. The main being; lats, shoulders, and hamstrings.

 

I reckon I look a little scrawny around the shoulder area and am aiming for those nice, rounded looking specimens, commonly seen on those wearing the #1 medals!! hehe! The tools I'm using to achieve these are hard, heavy and consistent workouts, swapping up reps, rests and approaches. No skimping, no sooking and no shortcuts.

 

Next, my lats. They've been a little shy to come and play thus far and it's time they made an appearance. To achieve this I'm enticing them out with plenty of pull ups (not a master of the overhand approach and may never be! In fact I cringe at the very thought of them!), chin ups (underhand is more my thing but even these have been known to bring a tear to my eye!), and a variety of other techniques to target those little suckers. My back workouts are firmly split into two - wide and narrow - so I can concentrate on making them sing!

 

Another part to the upper body work is to concentrate on posing. I can see CLEARLY that my shoulders are falling forwards rather than up and back. At present it actually hurts to keep them up-and-back but I'm hoping some more stretching, maybe a massage or three, and some hours dedicated to posing, will help greatly.

 

And lastly, those legs again! Poor things get a fair old battering but they are made up of nice big muscles and can take the strain. As per my back, my legs are also split into a few workouts consisting of quads, hamstrings and calves. They each get their own attention and I try to fit it all into one week so that I'm hitting them hard and often. I can see the huge difference in my approach since the start of the year and I'm hoping to see some solid results in the months to come. Hell, these days I do eighty lunges on each leg as my warm up!!! Once upon a time that would have almost completed my workout!!

 

2. Goal #2 - Posing

As per above, my posing possibly (probably) let me down during the comps. Most (probably all!) of the other competitors would have had quite few one-on-one posing sessions over time. I had three hours in total and a fairly inconsistent approach to my practise. I paid for that on stage and my aim is to correct this for next time. Not much good spending months/years building the correct physique if you can't show it off in the manner expected on competition day.

 

3. Goal #3 - Nutrition

I am very happy with the nutrition guide I followed throughout my preparation. I reckon I could learn a little more about my body's responses to things like oils, carbs & sugars and rearrange my eating accordingly. I tend to do exactly what I'm told without taking notice of why I'm doing it or what the outcome is. It's a lazy approach and my aim is to learn more and have the courage to try some new techniques as I notice the changes occur. I love learning and food is fascinating when it comes to manipulating the body!

 

So what's happening right now? I'm training harder and heavier than ever. So happy with how it's all going and very enthused! Love it! Cardio is sitting at about three sessions per week - two are hard and heavy, one is a walk in that 'fat burning zone'. I won't add too much more than this otherwise I'm defeating the purpose of building up muscle. I can afford to lay off cardio a little as I noticed that I was definitely one of the leanest competitors in both comps and this isn't always the winning look.

Food has been a bigger challenge than I'd like over the past few weeks. The deprivation of the preceding weeks has left me with cravings and I don't really like giving in to them...but find I do. I'm on a fairly structured carb cycling plan and love the clean food. The more I eat of it, the more I want to follow the clean-eating approach but need to remind myself often that treats are A.O.K., and denying myself of them will only end in a mini-food-disaster. Moderation Kirsten, moderation! (Never, ever been my strong point - accepting moderation that is. And if I put it in brackets, it'll seem like a secret.)

Bodywise - it's changed. It's fuller and more rounded and definitely not the lean machine it was just a mere month ago. Does that take a little getting used to? Oh Yes!!!! It's not a nice feeling to have the belt notches going out instead of in and it's also not nice seeing the quads getting wider. But it's necessary and it's normal and I'm not going to let my head get in the way of the work that needs to be done. End of.

And I have to say that it is bloody fab being back on my vitamins and potions. I've missed them!!

 

So what should I do with this blog?

Well. I wrote it as a way to share this journey with anyone who would listen. I've loved writing it and I'm not totally ready to give it up. I realise that blogs are fairly self-appreciating however I also think that one persons honesty can sometimes unlock a door to a dark place that another has been locked in. You'll understand what I mean if that pertains to you.

 

Now that the competition is done and dusted, I've decided I'll close up this blog. Rob is going to get it printed in a photo-book so I can read over it whenever I want a giggle or a cry. But I'm not ready to stop writing so I'm going to write another blog. I won't be offended if you don't want to follow it. I'll just pretend that millions read it and continue to get blown away and teary-eyed when I get the beautiful comments from people on Facebook.

 

So here it is. 9.5 months of laughing, crying, training, eating (and not eating!), water loading, salt depleting, posing, panicking and dabbling in a world full of crystal bikinis, fake tan and muscle bound people!!! I've loved it, hated it, dreaded it, been embarrassed beyond belief, and...most of all...been completely overwhelmed and speechless at the unrelenting and unselfish support and love from so many people in this world. I feel like I owe so many people so many things and will never truly be able to repay them all that I want to. But my little way of continuing this dream I've had, is to keep being honest, try to be a little funny, and continue to be part of people's lives in a way that leads them to a healthier and happier outcome.

 

Some days I wake up and realise that I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world. Today was such a day.

 

 

Through My Husband's Eyes

I thought it was time to have a good look at this whole experience through someone else's glasses! I thought Rob would be the logical choice to give an insider's perspective. I guess it's also worth remembering that my darling husband has a very easy-going nature and he loves a good challenge. I can only imagine (and cringe) at how hard it would have been if I didn't have such a supportive husband/best-friend on board.

 

So Rob, can you remember when Kirsten first told you that she was going to enter the bodybuilding competition? What did you think?

I initially thought it was a good idea. Kirsten was in the fitness business and wanted to 'walk the walk' so it seem like a natural progression. I had heard all the horror stories about the food, the training and the grumpiness, but put it aside as 'stories', however it soon became a reality. 

What were some of the first changes that you remember to her/your lifestyle?

At first nothing really changed as far as training went. The food got a fraction more 'clean' and healthy than before, but nothing over the top or extreme. The biggest change was Kirsten deciding to go off the alcohol and, being supportive, I went off it too...... 68 days. Bodywise...seeing her change shape and different muscles developing and showing was pretty impressive.   

Has it been easy being the husband of someone training for a competition like this?

Is this a loaded question???? Easy, not always. The hardest thing was coping with the three hours of training each day towards the end. A few household things were overlooked over this period as there wasn't enough hours in the day to fit it all in.

Tell us a little bit about the food issues - good, bad and ugly.

As much as it pains me to say it, I have actually enjoyed the 'new' food regime. I did however draw the line at chicken and lettuce!!

The good - still thinking - I'll get back to you on that.....

The bad - chicken and lettuce which, when coupled with a lot of exercise, meant no energy and a very tired and somewhat short-fused wife!!

The ugly - grilled tofu with soya sauce.

Tell us specifically about the few weeks prior to the competition?

In Kirsten's previous blog I think she refers to it as hell week. Understatement of the year!! The two or three weeks prior to competition was pretty intense. At times during these weeks I wondered why I didn't say J"NO" to all this nine months ago. Bodybuilding is a very self-centred sport. It is all about the individual. This is not a team sport. Her life for these two weeks was solely about her...her training, her cardio sessions, her eating, her everything.

The biggest thing was her tiredness and lack of energy, which meant there was a lot more slack for the rest of the family to pick up in order to help her get through these days.....I know - poor us!! 

However, during this period I would have to take photos to send to her trainer. Seeing her body shape change and more muscle showing, made it a bit easier to handle as I could see what the result of all her training was doing! 

To the couple of people I 'leant' on during this period, thank you...you know who you are.

Did you ever consider divorce?

Is this a set up?? No. Yes. Depends which Kirsten was around and what she had eaten!! No I never actually considered it.

Tell us about the whole tanning experience.

Hmmm. The highlight of the whole journey. Where do I start. Well I actually started at the feet and worked my way up......What a process this was. A three day process to be precise. Three layers of undercoat and a topcoat on the morning of the comp. The tanning is a fairly personal, intimate process where, I guess, if you're the one being tanned you would want to be already very close and personal with the person applying the tan. Pretty much every nook and cranny gets covered.

I was actually looking forward to getting backstage on comp day as I had been reliably informed that 'out the back' the competitors walk around topless with their assets on display while being tanned. "You beaut! Bonus", I thought. Let me tell you the truth. I need a new informant...not reliable information at all. Not one hooter seen the entire day!!!!   

Competition day - how was it for you?

I was a bundle of nerves. I felt like I was about to take part in a grand final of some description, except it wasn't even me competing. I think I was more nervous than she was. The support from friends, family and the people of Katherine was amazing. I enjoyed the day once it was over and the pressure was off. The figure round, where Kirsten didn't even get a place, was pretty devastating for me. I knew that I would have to pick her up and get her back on track for the physique rounds. She kept a very brave face and brushed it off, but deep down I could tell it had affected her. To her absolute credit she came back and smoked the physique rounds!! This day was a very big learning curve for the both of us. Knowing what I know now, made Melbourne easier.... 

Team Engels - you did yourselves proud. Your support was amazing!!

What emotions did you feel when Kirsten got her first win?

Men don't cry, but I'll admit to a small tear in the corner of my eye!! Proud, happy, excited, over the moon...you get the idea.

It did make the nine months and even the two 'hell weeks' worth it.

Tell us about Melbourne. Were you glad that Kirsten opted to go to bed while you explored?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Like I have said, knowing what I know now, things would have been done slightly differently - food and travel wise. Yes, I can now say I have seen Kirsten at her absolute worst...tired, hungry, emotional. On the upside for me Melbourne is a great place to explore on your own and its amazing what you can see and do in three hours.

The competition in Melbourne was strong. There were some big, defined and impressive ladies. Kirsten's placings were a great result. Kirsten has already told you about the ups and downs of the Melbourne comp, all I'm gonna say is, who runs an hour or so early??

Be honest - was she a complete pain in the arse throughout this year?

Whats with these questions?? At times, yes. But the results made it all worthwhile.

How do you feel about her deciding to continue with bodybuilding?

Having gone through one, the next will be a breeze. I know what's going to happen to her body and emotions, what training is required and how everything runs, or should run. Prepared like a boy-scout...bring it on!!!!

How do you think the kids feel about it?

Proud of their Mum. Exercise is just a part of this family and they even join in and don't know any different. I think they are enjoying having Mum back after the hell weeks!!

Has it inspired you to try bodybuilding for yourself?

Bodybuilding, not really. To train harder, eat better, be more consistent and see if I can improve myself, most definitely!!! Who knows what will happen...........

Post Competition - The Good, The Bad & The TRUTH!!

Post Event is a strange time in any circumstances. Think about the last time that you worked and planned and implemented something big in your life - a party, a holiday, moving house, a conference .... whatever took you a lot of energy to complete. And then think about the time immediately following that event. It can sometimes leave you feeling a variety of emotions; exhausted, glad it's over, lost, empty or even feeling a little sad that you no longer have such a big thing to focus on.

So how does it feel to finally complete this 9 month long journey? Maybe a bit of all of the above. Some feelings are stronger than others and I'll go into that more soon. However I have to say from the outset, I have such a lovely and happy life that I am feeling very content being back doing what I love to do most, and that is; being a Mum, being a wife, playing at Bootcamp, training my PT clients and hanging out with friends. I haven't fully appreciated the energy needed to hit the bigger housework jobs that need doing..but I'm sure that will come.....maybe.

So let's get more specific;

The Food & Body

I can't really split these two because they go hand in hand. But the more common question I get pertains to food and what I'm doing with it these days. I've told you already that I had the world's biggest sugar splurge on the competition night, and the Monday was also a food frenzy. By Monday night my gut had definitely had enough! And to those who said to me, "Don't worry about it! You deserve it!" You are unequivocally and completely wrong!! No one.... NO ONE!!! .... 'deserves' to eat that way. Sorry but that's the truth. There's a name for it and it's BINGING. It's unhealthy for the mind and worse for the body and it's something I would aim to conquer next time. (Did I just say 'next time'????).

So, come Tuesday, I realised that I needed to get onto some sort of even food keel which means for me, a written plan that lines up with my current goals. So I trawled the internet and came up with a carb-cycling plan that simply involves days where carbs feature in a high, low or zero fashion. It means the body keeps guessing about what it's being fed and there is less chance of falling into a plateau. Do I sound anal and controlling? Yep, thought so. Do I care? Na. I am who I am.

To be honest, I couldn't eat less that 6 times a day anymore if I tried. I wake up hungry, I leave the gym in the morning hungry, I am hungry on cue at about 2pm, then it's 'Shake Time' at about 5pm, dinner falls not a moment too soon at about 8pm, and by 10.30pm my tummy is rumbling with a late night protein fix. I'm hooked on this way of eating and it would now be too foreign to me to eat three square meals - plus, I don't really believe this is the best way to go with food.

As for this body of mine - I am forever grateful at what it's been through and how it serves me. I'm totally serious about that. Three happy pregnancies, three quick, drama-free births, and three lovely feeding years. It's been through years of yo-yo dieting, weight has gone on quickly and destructively, and has been reduced in some very scary ways over the years too. This year I made a decision to honour this body and treat it in a careful and loving way so as to train hard but keep intact. It worked. Thank goodness I found a trainer who also thought this was the way to go. No major dehydrating, no huge salt issues - just a strict but fair regime that got us results.

So I'm happy with my everyday food. It's very clean....maybe I should share it in the interests of being very honest. I know it opens me up to criticism but I'll take that on the chin;

Full Carb Day

Breakfast: Oats + Protein Shake

M/Tea: Lentils & Tuna & Salad

Lunch: Chicken & Brown Rice & Veges/Salad

A/Tea: Protein Shake & Nuts

Dinner: Protein (chick/fish/lean red meat) & Veges/Salad

Supper: Whey Protein (slow acting for night recovery)

That's a full carb day and a zero carb day means just that - zero carbs - much more protein and a bit of carbs in the green veges. I'm less strict than I was and am finding a whole lot of different ways to prepare the above. I'm also open to swapping the carbs for other sources eg; mountain bread, quinoa, various noodles, cous cous, bulghur etc. Just that these meals will predominantly feature in the early and middle part of the day rather than dinner.

So what happened to the body straight after competition? I would estimate that I put on 2kgs in the first day after comp. Why? Water, salt & carbs. Was that hard for me? Not at all. I am old enough to appreciate that a stage look is not realistic. It's the same as a cover model looking glammed up with hair flowing in the wind - it's just for show and not real. So it is for a physique competitor - stripped and dehydrated and carb-depleted for that one day on stage. It's a fantastic feeling, but food and water is much more important than carrying that feeling on!!

So a week later I finally hit the scales and, while very scared to do so, I was pleasantly surprised at the number. I have decided on a weight that I want to stick to for now and it gives me a lead-way of about 6kg from competition weight (won't tell you what that is because I know how people get a bit hooked on numbers!). My everyday weight will stay down about 3-4kg from when I started out in Jan this year but I'm happy with that and feel that I needed to make that move to get leaner. No desire to go right back to where I started.

And if I didn't mention to you (spoke to just about everyone about it!!), my body reacted really, really badly to the sudden influx in carbs and I retained water terribly!! My feet, lower legs and ankles puffed up to a point where I couldn't even flex my foot!!! They didn't hurt at all but felt awfully uncomfortable. That coupled with my peeling fake tan and my feet were disgusting to the eye!!! If nothing else steered me into good food and decent training - it was catching sight of my own feet!!!

Training

My thoughts on training was to finish the comp and have a nice relaxing break while I decided on my next training path. I initially thought I'd take a week, or maybe even two, off training.

Comp was on Sunday. By Tuesday Morning I was in the gym doing a solid chest workout and, over the past week, have done 7 heavy resistance and 3 good cardio sessions!!! So I lasted about 30 hours in full rest mode. I'm hooked on feeling so energetic and can't quite believe how the supplements aid in my recovery.

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN - IF ANYONE TELLS YOU THAT SUPPLEMENTS DON'T HELP WITH TRAINING AND RECOVERY - THEY ARE BULLSHITTING YOU!!! Rant over.

I'm extremely excited at my new focus and I can't seem to slow down in my rush to get there! Major personality defect - impatient!!! I want to see changes and I want to see them now! I have pictures and people that are sporting the shape I want and I'm trying to mimic their training styles! Unfortunately I know way too much about muscles meaning I know there is no short cut. The only thing that will get me there is consistency to my approach, and a tried and true training method that is designed with my goals in mind. Quite simple. Pick a goal, pick a method, and do it. Do it again and again and again and again and don't stop. Change the exercises and the routines, but don't change your commitment to the program. This is where most go wrong.

And don't think that every day in the gym will be one full of enthusiasm and excitement. Some days it'll be that. Other days it'll be a job that needs to be done. Softies will tell you that, if you feel like crap, don't go. Healthy, fit people will tell you that these are the days you have to put emotions behind you and get the job done. Always take advice from someone you want to be like. Don't take gym advice from a couch potato or someone who doesn't sport the qualities you want. That's just not wise.

So it's full steam ahead. And I'm fully excited and rearing to get going!!!!!

Competition Day 2!! Australian National Champs

 

4.45am and I was wide awake! Nothing would have sent me back to sleep so another mag was consumed while my mind was going over and over the expected events of the day.

 

6.30am and breakfast was ready. 4 x rice cakes with lashings of honey. Nice but very sweet and, to be honest, a little over honey by now.

 

7.30am saw the final application of the dream tan. I don't actually suspect that many people really dream of having this tan. It's thick and wet and sticky, and is not meant to dry out. This means I feel wet and sticky for, pretty much the whole day. It takes exactly one hour to apply this layer and there is danger at every move in a flash (and white!) hotel room.

 

9am - hair and make up lady arrives. She is fantastic and works quickly and efficiently while telling me stories of working on movie and tv sets. Would recommend her to anyone needing this service in Melbourne.

 

10.50am and we hit the car for the trip to the Moonee Valley Racecourse. All going to plan. Until the GPS system decides it can't find a signal. Then we are sitting on the side of the road in Melbourne City, wondering which direction to head in. Damn us for relying on a machine! 15mins later and we are heading to the venue. No problem, I'm not on stage until 1.10pm so we have more than enough time to arrive, prep, change and warm up. Very essential in 11 degree weather!

 

We arrive just after 11.30am and head inside to find the backstage area. It's daunting!! Huge crowd! Over 250 competitors! Stalls and fit people everywhere! Lots of fake tan, lots of small suits and some egos - both big, small and normal.
 

 

At about 11.45am we find a huge room in which every competitor is getting ready. It's full of lollies (for muscle feeding), chips (same), towels, tanning lotion, resistance bands for pumping up and......no other way to say it....bodies! Bodies everywhere!!! Lying down, pumping up, chatting, laughing, swearing and plenty of nakedness. Not a lot of modesty going on. Boobs and bums are on show while tan is being slapped on and massages given. Our eyes were like saucers and we both felt like the Outback Kids arriving in the big city! We walked in a couple of circles and finally settled on a spot beside a 10cm piece of bare wall. By now it was probably just on midday. No problem. Still just over an hour to go.

 

And then the bottom of my stomach fell out. "Excuse me Ladies - we are running ahead of schedule. By about one hour. So the Physique Novice needs to get ready now".

 

 

What???!!!!! Are you ##@@@##N serious?????? ONE HOUR EARLY!!!!! No one - but no one!! - runs one hour early!!! Don't want my Mum to blush but I was a little upset!!!! I went from calm to a bundle of shaking nerves in about 2 seconds flat. So we hurled a few bad words around and then got to work. Bikini on. Tan evened out. Bling on. Pumping furiously. Rob was trying to put my belly-button bar in as we were being called backstage and his hands were shaking with the stress of it all - that is pretty unusual for Rob and I could see we were both thrown badly by the time change. But we made it backstage and I tried to zone out of the negativity I had been experiencing and made a mental note to give it everything I had, regardless.

 

Before I knew we were filing on stage and, there in front of us, was a line up of about 8 judges. I couldn't see anything else due to the scorching stage lights so I gave them the cheesiest Guy Smiley smile I could and stood in line. Next came the symmetry round - quarter turns - followed by muscularity - compulsory poses. I was then called forward with a second group for comparison poses. We then filed off stage and waited to return some 5mins later for results.

 

They next called forward the Top 5 placegetters and I was called as Number 5 - Physique Novice Division. How did I feel??? Bloody ecstatic!!!! I could see around me that competition was fierce and the lady that won had shoulders and lats to be envied! I was actually a little surprised to do so well and the backstage 'experience' taught me a huge lesson about being prepared for any event.

So we then had a couple of hours before the Open Division. I was determined to give it my best shot ever....but a little less than confident about my ability to do well due to competition around me. The Open Division means exactly what it says - open to anyone in Australia (as opposed to Novice being those in their first year of competing). There were the some of the big names of the industry present, and a couple were named in my line up. My main reason for this Division was the opportunity to get an Australian ranking - regardless of what it ended up being.

 

So this time I spent a solid hour prepping, pumping, posing, scoffing lollies and mentally running through the program. I felt extremely calm and ready for it all. In fact, it's the backstage area where the nerves tend to hit when some of the ladies around me were a little frantic. Some laugh and chat, others pump until the very last second and it's a bit disconcerting. I wondered which one I should be following! An experienced trainer would be a great thing to take along. However, my Rob was the perfect manager for me and we worked together brilliantly.

 

So, with nothing to lose and everything to gain, I marched onto that stage - first on! - and lined up with my McLean's smile firmly planted on the judges. I then posed my heart out and gave it all I had left.

 

We were all sent to the back of the stage and they called up a selection of seven of the ladies for further comparison. They didn't call me and that wasn't good news. Those ladies filed back into line and the judges went on to call yet a further five ladies for some comparisons. Again. Not me. I think I was the only one not called for a second look. I was feeling pretty devastated. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I would win, but I did think I was worth a second look along with the rest of them. My honest thoughts - I was the bottom of that line up.

 

Lastly we were told to do a 'Pose Down'. This means we all go to the front and just pose hard in any of your favourite positions. As soon as they announced this Pose Down - those experienced ladies shot to the front middle and began their work. Haha!! They left no room for me!! I couldn't have squeezed in sideways!! So I trudged to the end of the line - almost at the edge of the damn stage! - and gave it my all!! I posed and turned and posed and turned and posed!! And then we all filed off stage to await the results.

 

The one good thing about that five minutes - the pressure was off! I clearly wasn't in the running for anything so I just chatted with the others and felt a natural smile returning rather than my 'stage smile'. Then we filed on for the final time and were asked to stand at the back of the stage for the calling of the Top 5. Then they called the numbers...

 

"304, ...." Hold on - what did they just say????!!!!!! THAT'S MY NUMBER!!!!!! I'M ALMOST SURE IT IS!! Is it? Oh shit - did I just hear right or am I going to make the ultimate dick of myself? Oh crap - I need to check without looking too stupid. Quick!!! No time.

 

I start tentatively walking forward but then force myself to stop and look down at my own number to make sure it really is 304. I must have looked so bloody stupid!!! Shuffle forward, and then all composure broken to check my own number tag!! I'm embarrassed thinking of it!! But there it was - 304!!!! YOU BLOODY BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The blood was roaring in my ears and my smile was the most natural of the day!!! I was so proud and excited and AMPED!!!

 

I then placed in 4th Place - Just 3 places behind some of the biggest names in Australian body building!!! The tears were pricking my eyes and I just wanted to jump into Rob's arms and have a big proud sook!!! I did manage to keep it all together and I get down the stairs without tripping - and then I had a little happy emotional breakdown in my darling husband's arms! The buzz was incredible.

5th Place - Physique Novice Division, Australian National Championships

4th Place - Physique Open Division Class 3 (Tall), Australian National Championships

 

Following that high - we managed to remove some of the vegemite-tan and cleaned up a little before finally leaving the venue at about 5.30pm. First stop. Bottle shop for some sparkling wine which we happily consumed back at the hotel while scrubbing posing suits, wiping down high heels, and scrubbing my brown body raw in an effort to look somewhat 'normal' in the Melbourne weather for the evening.

 

What followed was perhaps the best night I've had in a rather long time! We dined, we desserted, we chatted happily and we realised just what a fantastic team we are! 14 years with this man of mine and I love and respect him more with each day. Why? Because he completes me, compliments me and supports every single wacky idea I come up with! I'm not always sure why - but he does, and life is never boring.

 

So what's next? TO BE CONTINUED.....

Hell Week 2 - The Scarier Sequel!!!!

So after a Saturday night of pure indulgence, I then faced the Sunday with some moderation with the next competition in mind the following Saturday. According to my trainer, I may have taken it a bit too moderate and it would have been better if I had fallen off the wagon a bit more. It's just that I'm not sure she would understand just how all-or-nothing I am! I have never, ever been someone that finds middle-ground easy to walk on. I tend to pick my path and stick to it like glue - this means a shit-food day can turn into an incredible frenzy of shit-food. Over the years I have become much more able to pull back and enjoy moderation, but in light of the depletion I had just encountered, I knew that I knew that I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself if I let loose on the Sunday.

 

Come Monday morning, I was up and at 'em. Another 1hr cardio morning, followed by a wicked, wicked leg workout at the Darwin gym, then a 3hr drive home whereupon I got out of the car and literally began another 1hr of cardio. To satisfy my hunger, chicken and lettuce yet again, and a whopping 8 litres of water. The workout was satisfying and bloody heavy, leaving my legs screaming in protest but a smile on my face.

 

By Tuesday, the smile had long gone. My legs were still screaming and I had to start the day with my early morning cardio hour. Then a heavy back workout with those nasty chin ups, and yet another hour of cardio. Chicken and lettuce five times a day and 10 litres of water. Yuck.

 

By Wednesday I  could hardly haul myself out of bed. I was so weak and fatigued that I couldn't think straight. Heavy shoulder workout and then, much to my disgust, a further 1.5 hour cardio finale. I decided to walk it out toward town for 45mins and then turn around. It was about 40 degrees and I threw the ipod in and got striding. At precisely 45mins, I had made it from home to half-way up the main street of town. The thought of walking all of the way home was daunting and I almost considered ringing Rob to collect me. I then went behind a building, drunk some cement, administered some upper-cuts to self, and walked home. And then collapsed in bed. With my 100g of steamed chicken and bloody lettuce. I wanted to puke.

 

Thursday was the day and huge, black, heavy cloud descended on my body and refused to budge. I should have been happy that the cardio contingent was over but I couldn't help thinking constantly about the 10-round upper-body beating I had to complete. And, like an idiot, I put it off all day until mid-afternoon. The only rainbow on the horizon was the thought of the 4 rice cakes, smothered in honey, that was to follow the workout. And they did taste good. But the mood didn't lighten I'm afraid.

 

This depletion round had hit me like a baseball bat and I am being totally honest in admitting that I struggled to cope with it. The hunger was one thing. The unbelievable lack of strength and stamina was a bigger killer. I consider myself to have a really strong constitution - rarely have a sickie, rarely allow myself a 'light weights day', and don't like to leave a workout with any spare energy. But here I was, this pathetic shadow of my former self. Hardly able to walk 100m without my bum fainting at the sight of every seat.

 

Let's be honest. My temper was at it's shortest fuse and it lighted up at every given opportunity. My mind could not process comments in any other way than 'good or bad'. And I reacted accordingly. With this in mind, I hardly left home (my bedroom!!) during the latter part of this week. It was truly awful and I wondered how I would get through it. Silly as that seems given the short period of time.

 

On Friday, Rob and I headed to Darwin where we had a few errands to do prior to spending the night at Berrimah for an early trek to the airport. We did one errand and I pleaded with him to get to the room so I could lie down. That's how weak I was. So I did the bare minimum of posing and tanning and eating that god-awful chicken and lettuce.

 

Friday morning at 5.30am, the taxi was due to arrive and all we had to do was wheel our suitcases to the corner of the driveway. I made it with the case to the driveway and then absolutely had to sit on the side of the road to catch my breath. Unbelievable. Awful.

 

On top of this was the disappointment that I couldn't start the re-feeding process the night before as expected. Sammy explained that flying can cause water retention and the way retains itself is in the carbs so better to wait for re-feeding until arrival in Melbourne. I was shattered at this news as I had been eagerly awaiting the oaty breakfast and sweet potato supper. My reaction was disproportionate to the news and I felt even more pathetic than ever.

 

We got to Melbourne after an uncomfortable and long flight. I can't describe what it's like to be in the big bad 'real' world and be unable to have a coffee. Eat a sandwich. Grab a piece of fruit. I felt very sorry for myself and ostracised. Are you sick of hearing this yet? Sorry, but it's the truth.

 

We collected our lovely little Corrolla, courtesy of fabulous friends. The hotel arranged for us by my beautiful friends, Tammy & Michelle, was the Crown Plaza - smack bang in the middle of Melbourne, overlooking the Yarra River. Absolutely gorgeous room!! Flowers planted there already by Penny & Racheal with a bag of choccie fantails - you girls are awesome!! We could not have been happier or more well looked after.

 

I then did the only thing I could. Grabbed my own sheet (tanning + white hotel sheets = trouble), wrapped myself into a cocoon, got into bed and slept for as long as I could while Rob went exploring. Thank goodness that I awoke in the dark to news that I could start re-feeding. So I went from nothing to 2-hourly feeds of rice cakes, honey, nut bars and sweet potato. Even had to set my alarm clock for 1.30am for a feed. While it was heavenly to my body, energy and taste buds, I preferred the previous weeks' routine and think it worked a little better for my body. I have learnt a lesson about flying somewhere the day before a comp.

 

So Saturday morning I looked like I had been in a famine - veins and loose skin everywhere. Nice! By Sunday morning, the muscles were fed and pumping, the energy level was pretty good - and it was time for Competition Day to begin!! TO BE CONTINUED.....

COMPETITION DAY!!!!

No matter how hard it all was. No matter what I had and hadn't done to prepare. No matter how confident, scared, enthusiastic or terrified I was, comp day was going to arrive regardless. And it did.

 

4.45am the magical inner-body clock alarm went off and I lay there, desperately trying not to think about the day ahead. That's what I do in scary situations. Force myself to think of something else instead. So I picked up a Womens Weekly mag and starting reading boring and dreary interviews about 'celebrities' and the ornaments they have in their houses. God I tire of reading shit about people who are just not that special! However, it got my mind off the job at hand and I managed to squeeze out another hour in bed.

 

Approx 6am it was all systems go!! Chicken and sweet potato for breakfast. Funny how that doesn't even sound strange anymore. From there I didn't have a shower. Needed to leave last base coast of tan on. At 6.30am, Rob started applying the all-important Dream Tan. Think vegemite in a jar and that's the consistency. It is smeared everywhere!!!! As much as it doesn't feel that great, it's better than white patches showing under outfits - as many of the spectators will attest to later in the day!

 

That took about 1hr and from there my hair angel, Julie C, arrived to start curling and combing. From there it was over to makeup at 9.30am and back to the hotel for a final hair touch-up at 11am. Make up crisis narrowly averted by Jules who organised the local chemist lady to do a quick fix-up! And then to the show.

 

On arrival I found a backstage area alive with chaos. Bronzed, beautiful and very bare bodies lined the halls and eventually we found a ladies dressing room. Fortunately for us, everyone else seemed to be travelling in big teams so we kept our own dressing room for the whole day.

 

 

From there I started the slow process of warming up, starting to use some weights and resistance band to begin the blood pumping process. Throughout this time I was able to snack on my favourite lollies - chocolate fantails!!!!! How ridiculous it seemed - going from lettuce & chicken to fantails! But, being the good girl I am, I followed orders to the T!! In the dressing rooms we had big bowls full of potato chips and lollies which plenty were digging into. Again, it's about re-feeding those muscles from their ultra lean state. On that, when I woke up on Friday morning and sent through pics to Sammy, I actually looked like someone who had been in a severe famine. Muscles flat as, bones sticking through and veins everywhere. Through the re-feeding process, those muscles plump up and look very different - it's quite amazing.

I forgot to say that I was water depleting from Thursday also. Some competitors would have been quite dehydrated by the comp day however Sammy, who is seriously balanced, does not subscribe to that philosophy and she had me sipping water right up to stage time. I felt awesome because of this and will thank her forever for her balanced and experienced attitude toward nutrition and competition planning.

 



 

So the bikini went on next. Tiny piece of material. Good hunk of glue and it was all go. At this point I threw my ipod in and starting focusing on posing. My ipod was absolutely invaluable and was the key to being able to drown out the chaos going on around me. Favourite music blaring, posing practise in front of the mirror, and a mouth full of fantails - life felt good.

It didn't stay that way. For some strange reason I entered the Figure division and that was first up. I stood on the edge of the stage with 8 other ladies. I felt a little nervous but not too much so. I was told I was first up and that got the heart pumping, but still I felt sort of calm. That's why I was so totally and utterly unprepared for the stage fright that hit me in the guts the minute I walked out!!!! Holy Shit!!! My legs started shaking and my feet absolutely tottered in those heels. Heels that I had practised in a multitude of times with no problems! I got to the centre stage and tried to pull what is called the 'Relaxed Pose' (far from relaxing!!). It was truly awful! I then completed the T-walk down that stage and honestly couldn't believe how unstable I felt. At one point I went to complete a side chest pose and had to abort due to wobbly feet. I felt humiliated, embarrassed and ready to run home. No one, but no one, would understand just how awful those few minutes were. When I was back in the line with the other competitors, I couldn't even hold my relaxed pose because every time I lifted my ankle off the floor my foot shook so badly I had to plant it down again. My smile was terribly forced and, at times, my lips even quivered.

 

Needless to say that I wasn't called out in the final line up. I've heard since that it might have looked like I was surprised by that. I wasn't. I had no qualms whatsoever that I wasn't going to get anywhere in this division. My reasoning was because I had put on the least impressive T-walk in the world and looked anything BUT graceful and confident. On top of that I later realised that the criteria for this division included "no visible muscle striation". I have a little of that so I wasn't really suited at all for Figure.

 

Off I went and almost collapsed on Rob. I dreaded the thought of going out again and seriously didn't know how I would conquer those nerves. Rob and Vania (Ultimate Gym & Fitness) did a fantastic job of reassuring me that it would all be ok and just to breath, relax and prepare for the next division, Physique. It was confirmed that the physique division required a line up but no T-walk and I felt much better about that. Muscularity poses are my most comfortable so again I thought I could just muster up enough courage to face that stage again. First up was the Physique Novice category - open only to those who have never competed before. There was 9 of us.

This time I did a bit more big breathing, a bit more confident self-talk and a few stiff upper-cuts to my chin. I was 3rd in line and, before I knew it, being called out. This time I gave it everything I had, and the harder I went, the more comfortable it felt. As time went on I grew in confidence and starting actually enjoying myself. This time I was called out in the final line up and we completed a 'Pose Off' against each other, then back to the line for the winners to be called out. They went from 5th place to 2nd and my number wasn't called. The blood was roaring through my ears and I felt like I was going to suffocate.

 

And then they called me. Number 22. I won!!!!!!!! I actually won!!!! I've never won anything like this before in my whole life!!! I could hear the Katherine crowd going nuts and I wished I could bolt off the stage, leap over the chairs and hug them all!! I felt so proud for our little town!!!! I'm sure there were 500 of 'us' in those seats! Probably more like 30 but it felt huge and I felt so humble and proud of us all. We did it!!!!!

Instead of leaping over the chairs, I tottered out back and tried hard to wipe the smile off my face so I didn't look too much like a wanker. After congrats were out of the way, I chowed down on chicken and sweet potato. One thing I've learnt about myself - I never let anything get in the way of a good feed! Then some more lollies, sip of water and it was time to hit the stage again. This time in the Physique Open section - where anyone at all can compete. There was 5 of us.

 

Obviously the win had given me a confidence boost and this round felt even better than the last. The competition was good and the final pose off had me shaking with the effort. Again, they read from the bottom up, and again they called Number 22 as the winner!!!! Holy Crap!!!!! I won!!!! And yes - it DID come as a huge surprise to me! I couldn't see the muscles around me and I certainly couldn't pre-judge whether I thought I was better or not - nor would I want to. I was possibly on the edge of tears at the win and yet again, my support crowd was roaring!!!

 

I skipped my way off stage and was eventually informed that the winners of both Novice and Open would be challenging each other for the title of Ms NT Physique. A quick tally would prove that this didn't have to happen. So I returned to the stage where I received the ultimate title to round off a perfect day!!!!

 

Was the hard work worth it? Was the chicken & lettuce 'diet' a success? Did the comp live up to expectations?? YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The buzz of competing and the surprise of winning was FABULOUS!!!!! In fact, I can't describe how exciting the whole day was! And to share it with so many supporters, both in person and by phone, was incredible!!!!  I wish everyone in the world could feel like that at least once in their life - for whatever reason at all!

 

And then it was over. Sort of. I was randomly selected for a drug test and was tailed by the testing-lady until ready for a wee. She is in a lot of my post-comp photos!!

 

One of the biggest surprises of the day was walking out to the support crew and seeing them all turn around with Team Engels signwritten across the backs of their t-shirts!!!!! Including the babies!!!!! WOW - WE MAY BE A SMALL TOWN BUT IT'S THE BEST DAMN TOWN I'VE EVER LIVED IN. I know it's corny but... I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

 

Wee completed - in full view of testing-lady! - we finally left the venue and the feeding frenzy for one began. I know you want to know this so I won't disappoint;

- huge lamb burger with fries

- 3 small bottles of bubbly wine
- cold rock icecream - caramel with ferrer rocher mashed in
- cold chicken & cheese sandwich
- millions of chocolate fantails
- 3 cranberry & macadamia nut bars
- fruit
- coffee

My tummy felt like it was going to split and I eventually threatened to kill Rob if he ever let me eat like that again. I probably will though. And I won't kill him.

 

So I ended up walking away with 1st Place Novice Physique, 1st Place Open Physique, Overald Ms NT Physique Champ 2012. Certainly not complaining! Who would!

1 Week Pre-Comp..aka...HELL WEEK!!

In my quest for an accurate account of this whole journey, I cannot omit the last 7 days prior to the comp. I cutely nicknamed it "Hell Week". It was anything but cute.

 

On Saturday, Sunday & Monday, I consumed the aforementioned Chicken & Lettuce, with approximately 10 litres of water each day. The hours dragged by endlessly, including those spent completing the 2hr cardio and 1hr weights sessions. I would disappear to the bedroom at about 6pm each night because I simply could not cope with the smells and sights of 'real' food.

 

To describe myself as cranky would be a gross understatement. Enough said.

 

The light headedness, the overwhelming sense of tiredness, the heavy, aching muscles and feeling of immense hunger, just about tipped me over the edge. The only light at the end of this tunnel was the promise of sweet potato on Tuesday night, followed by 4 rice cakes and lashings of sweet honey post-final-workout. I hung off that thought through every hungry hour leading up to Tuesday. If I never felt that way again in my life, it would be too soon.

 

So Tuesday evening came and, as per my instructions, I tucked into 100g of sweet potato with my chicken & lettuce. I then planned to complete a late workout followed by the sweet honey rice cakes. Absolute bliss!!!! Well, that's what I thought. However, due to a lapse in concentration, I didn't follow the program. The instructions were to; a) workout, b) consume honey and rice cakes, c) have sweet potato with dinner...IN THAT PRECISE ORDER!!!

 

Oh crap!! On realising what I had done wrong, instead of a nice upper body workout followed by 'dessert',  I was told to get on the treadmill and complete another 1.5hrs of cardio, sleep, complete another 1.5hrs of cardio in the morning, followed by a workout and then, and only then, was I to have the coveted honey cakes.

 

On hearing this news I threw my first training-tantrum, burst into tears and dissolved into a sobbing mess. My children were immensely concerned and I felt terrible for worrying them. But I was powerless to stop the tears. They were formed out of full self pity that turned to anger and my eyes burned and blazed for the whole 1.5 hours I'm embarrassed to say. The following morning I hauled my sorry butt out of bed and walked another 1.5hrs before collapsing. I then completed a fairly gruelling 7-round, 15-rep circuit of all upper body exercises.

 

Following this torture, I sat at the kitchen table and consumed what I can only describe as PARADISE ON A RICE CAKE!!!! I not only devoured the 4 I was allowed, I also licked the plate clean!!

 

From there, the world seemed like a better place and I could suddenly think straight again. Throughout Weds, Thurs & Fri, I sent Sammy a series of pictures both morning and night, and, according to how filled-out my muscles looked, she would decide whether I could add more carbs or not. So the next few days I had a mixture of lettuce, chicken, oats & sweet potato. How could such simple things taste so ridiculously good!!!

 

On Wednesday night the tanning started. Consisting of 4 base coats being left on 12 hours each, with the last remaining on for comp day. Can I tell you that, should you take up bodybuilding, you will need to enlist the help of a very, very special friend for the tanning process!! To describe it as personal doesn't really do it justice. It's.....very personal!! Thank god for my Rob!!

 

Thursday I finally had the orders to stop all cardio, all weights and begin to 'relax'. While that sounds like bliss, three children means that it doesn't work out quite as planned but the feeling of not having to exercise was heaven in itself. It's been 9 solid months of workout after workout after workout, and a guilt-free few days off was amazing.

On Friday I had a few jobs to complete including the application of nails. While there, I again read instructions wrong and thought I had to eat a nut bar. Apparently that was meant for comp day but, in my haste to obey orders, I had my fingernails being worked on while I ordered my son to break off clumps of the bar and stuff them into my mouth. The asian lady doing my nails was staring at me in some sort of disbelief. Both hands in front of her while Tyler is jamming chunks of nut bar into my mouth. After bar #2 I made the decision to recheck instrutions. I knew it had to be too good to be true!! I had stuffed up again. But I didn't beat myself up about the second big mistake - instead I just revelled in the macadamia & cranberry sweet taste of that stuff - YUM!!!!

 

Friday night saw the last of the base tans being applied. I tried to get an early night but found that midnight was about the time we hit the hay. Unsure how that happened.

And then comp day arrived. I woke at the magical hour of 4.45am and gave in to reading a magazine from about 5.30.

 

And then the fun began!!! But that's another story.  TO BE CONTINUED......

7 Days & COUNTING!!!! HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually don't know how I have the energy to write this...but in a moment of delirium I'm thumping the keyboard!

 

So everything changed at the two week countdown. We started cycling carb meals so that some days I had 3 carb attachments, next day 2, next day 0. Each attachment consisted of either 50g of oats, or 50g of sweet potato. Other than that it was veges and salad only. I thought this was hard. No one prepared me for the next assault to my body. That would be the 10 day countdown. Here's my menu;

 

Meal 1: Lettuce & 150g Chicken

Meal 2: Lettuce & 150g Chicken

Meal 3: Lettuce & 150g Chicken

Meal 4: Lettuce & 150g Chicken

Meal 5: Lettuce & 150g Chicken

 



Here's 5 days worth of chicken!!

 

Exercise: 2 x 1hr cardio sessions daily (moderate), 1 x upper body weights session daily, posing daily

 

Good News: no more leg workouts, unlimited lettuce

 

On The Horizon: no more workouts from Wednesday, only light cardio and posing

 

How I Feel: blur, blah, dozy, crazy, in-a-bubble, hungry, weak, tired, nervous, AND GETTING SUPER EXCITED ABOUT NOW!!! I'm also a little proud that I'm still doing it all. Haven't missed a day of training and have had a few pre 5am starts to fit it all in. I just can't let it beat me!

 

 

Another 37 degree day, 9.5km on a diet of lettuce & chicken. Don't ever tell me "It can't be done!!" It can always be done. Just got to have a strong mind and the body will do as it's told.

 

I can't honestly believe that there is now only 7 days left until the first competition day! I am feeling the first twinklings of extreme nervousness but also a real excitement building. I haven't felt it before now because the exercise and food has been all-consuming and it's best not to look too far ahead in case it overwhelms me. But now I can afford to feel a little excited and pumped about it all.

 

I'm studying up on all the things that happen on comp day and there appears to be quite a list! The first order of the day will be a specially constructed breakfast, no water, make up, hair, tanning, resting with feet literally up on the wall, arriving at the venue, fixing up all hair, make up and tan yet again, pumping up a little with the help of some light resistance, and then preparing to get out there and finally show it all off.

 

It's been a long road and, at times, fairly gruelling. I haven't had an alcoholic drink since July 23, my last 'real' meal of bread was Australia Day (Jan 26), nothing 'fast food' has entered my mouth since 2010 and ..... every bastard in town has organised a function for me to attend alcohol and food free HAHA!!! I can't believe how many events I've been to stone cold sober and hungry!! With a woollies bag full of chicken and veges as my accessory! Who cares?! It'll all taste the same in late 2011 as it did in late 2010 and what have I seriously lost? NOTHING!!! oh...actually....about 6.9kgs so far from my first weigh-in weight. But in all reality - some deprivation in this ever-instant world is extremely good for the soul. Why do you think detox diets are so popular? Because people recognise that they eat and drink shit too much and realise that they sometimes need to have a break.

 

And I have to say, that for eating 'clean' for the last 9 months, I've had no skin issues, no lowered immunity and nothing else that I may have expected. Not sure why I'm even questioning that outcome when all I'm omitting is the shit. On that, isn't it interesting when someone is losing weight and eating less, eventually the comments will come - "time to get a good feed into you!" And that feed normally consists of bread, cheap shit meat and chips! Why wouldn't they suggest some chicken fillets and veges?

 

Righto - rant over. I'm starting to get a little bit passionate about health these days because I realise just how precious it is. But I also acknowledge 2 things - that everyone is different, and that moderation is one of the keys to a happy AND healthy life.

 

Signing off for now. Will be back in a couple of days to rave about my raffle sponsors.

Spotting, Snotting & Squatting

I said in my last post that it was the hardest two weeks of all. I lied. Actually, I didn't lie because at that time they were the hardest. The preceding two weeks have now trumped those other two weeks to become The Hardest Weeks Of All. I want to start at the beginning but there really is no beginning, or middle, or end. It's all just one big blur. A combination of very little food, huge amounts of cardio, heavy horrible weights and the continuation of 'real life' around it all.

At times, during my running, I imagine a fork in the road.

Left Fork = "it's almost done, you're almost there, no injuries, no huge hiccups, the end is in sight!!! You go girl".

Right Fork = "this is all too fecking HARD!!!!! Just be like Forrest Gump and decide to stop. Give up. You're too hungry. Stop now. Cut your losses and quit. No one will care!!!!"

I would love to take the high ground and say that I veer to the left each time however the right hand fork is the one I've listened to most of my life. Which is why I have previously missed the finish line. Which is why I decided to do this bloody competition in the first place!!! So the Right Fork isn't a valid option but it is the one I listen to a little more than I should.

And I want to make one thing crystal clear. I wrote this blog as a way of portraying my honest and genuine journey throughout this year toward the competition. I'm not going to 'positive it all up' so that I don't sound like a sad sack. I can't - it wouldn't be honest. I also do not require any pep-talks or compliments, unless you want to give them (all support is always gratefully received) but I certainly don't want anyone to think that I'm fishing for them. I'm not. I'm just being honest. Something I've always appreciated from others when going through tough times. So I'm here, I'm telling you the black and white and grey of it all as I see it.

The Support

But to start things off.. I have to say that I have not valued, leaned on and loved my friends more than I have this past few months. In my hungry and emotional state, I am moved by the support I've had/have this year. I feel incredibly undeserving because I realise that this is a very self-absorbed mission I'm embarking on. I feel like I've dragged people into my dream and, rather than telling me to rack off, they are all sharing it with me. I couldn't be luckier and I couldn't be happier in this respect. I feel hugely privileged and very much like I want to give back to them. I'll keep looking for ways to do that.

Other areas of support have been the lovely article in the Katherine Times - thanks Annie! The Ultimate Gym & Fitness in Darwin offering me sponsorship in the form of some goodies, the Katherine YMCA offering me some financial support to help with comp expenses and a few other places that I will mention next time, along with some exciting news that I'll keep under my hat for now.

Spotting & Snotting

These go together this time because I have had a few tear spill-overs lately! And my darling husband has been there to look after the spotting and snotting. Again I put this down to the lack of substantial food. I have been living on a menu of tuna, salad, fish, green veges & protein shakes. Still completing 2 x 1hr cardio sessions daily and then aiming to continue hard and heavy weights sessions.

The first 3-4 days of this 'diet' is manageable, however, after 2 weeks it becomes seriously apparant that the body is lacking in the fundamental energy needed just to cope with situations. I became seriously uptight, very very emotional, and lacking any sort of the whizz-bang energy that makes life fun. I'm decently good at hiding it all and consider myself to be a very robust sort of person. I can run on empty quite well and pride myself that I did not miss a cardio or weight session while feeling like this. But do I recommend it? Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lucky it is only for a period of time. It was four weeks on that regime and changes have happened this week - hence the energy and clarity to write this.

On top of the above snot session, I ran to the weigh bridge the other day and when I got there, a road train went past and gave me a big toot. I immediately burst into tears and snotted my way back while thinking that even the stupidest bit of support by an unknown truck driver was enough to make me feel so emotional and grateful. I'm sure he felt insanely sorry for me as it was about 36 degrees and I look fairly emaciated at the moment!! To add to this feeling, Rob drove past twice with the kids hanging out of the window yelling out, "Hi Mummy! I love you Mummy!!" How can you not keep running and crying at that.

Squatting (in case you wondered - I post back pics because I'm not ready to turn around yet and face the world in a bikini!! Yikes!!)

 

As mentioned, I'm still lifting hard and heavy and very regularly. My routine has just changed yet again and I now have to complete 2 x legs plyo sessions & 1 x legs weights session per week, along with the usual upper body sessions and 2 x 1hr cardios per day - with 2 of those extended to 1.5hrs. How do I fit this all in? A question I ask myself each and every day. In fact, I no longer think about tomorrow. I just put one foot in front of the other and complete the day's tasks before I even contemplate the next move.

I only have 2 more weeks to pull these wretched legs into line and then it's time to lay off them and let them recover pre-comp. Then another 10 days after that before the cardio also becomes a blissful past memory. Can't wait!!!

 

For now though, legs are heavy heavy heavy! And lots of plyo - jumping, leaping, skipping. Yesterday Tammy and I completed a gruelling session involving 15 x heavy weighted exercises immediately followed by a 20 x plyo reps. Then 1.5mins between sets, 4 sets. Four Exercises in total and it was a solid one hour, sweat filled session that has left me today with bum cheeks that feel like hot irons have pierced them! Oh yeah - we preceded the session with 80 lunges on each leg...just for fun!

Food

Change has occurred and I'm now cycling carbs and going cleaner than ever. Some days I have 3 x carb meals - well...meals is maybe too strong a word. I'm allowed to add 40g of oats or 150g of sweet potato to my plate on some meals. Other days I revert back to no carbs. It's time to fill out a little before dropping back to the world of lean in the few days pre-comp. I've now dropped protein shakes and most of my supplements to 'clean things up' and they'll stay away from here on in I believe.

The Rest

I'm now starting to concentrate on all of the finer details that need to be address; Hair - my beautiful friend, Julie C (can't spell her name!!), is looking after me and we had a trial run at her new little salon at Tindal. And yes - she does take all women and children out there, not just RAAF men! I'm stoked with the look she came up with and think it will look great with my outfit. Nails - have booked into a salon on the Friday. Can't do fake nails because I hate the damage they do when I get rid of them so will concentrate on growing them in the meantime. Tan - well...you'll just have to wait and see with this one! Jewellery - nice and loud, sparkly and bright, and cheap!!

So that's all for now. It's all getting exciting now but there is still a job to be done and it needs to be completed whether that be midday or midnight! I'm no longer a quitter. I'll finish this race and I'll look back and remember that I didn't do it on my own this time. I had a fair few shoulders to lean on...and that made it all the more possible.

Thank you. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

This Has To Be The Hardest 2 Weeks Of All!

Numbers to start with;

41 - days until the competition.

105 - approximate kilometres I have run/walked/dragged my sorry butt in the past 7 days.

9 - average kilometres I jog in each 1 hour session.

7 - average kilometres walked in my empty-tummy-morning hill walk.

13 - number of stiff-uppercuts I've had to give myself in order to get the cardio sessions completed.

42 - number of meals I've eaten in 7 days. It's all veges and fish but at least it's frequent!

120-150 - grams of the above-mentioned fish at each serving. Not nearly enough!!

42 - litres of water consumed. That's 6 litres per day. I've decided that I detest cold water and prefer tap temperature. It's funny how strong your opinions become when you are subjected to it too often.

3 - feet is the furtherest I can be away from the little ladies room due to the 6 litres of water!

As usual, you'll get honesty from me. This last two weeks has made every week before it pale into insignificance in the "hard" scale. It's been absolutely and utterly gruelling. Life has been one big bubble of eating, running, eating, walking, training, eating, sleeping and working. The intensity has been overwhelming at times. It has tested my ability to run work, family and training life and, at times, I have failed to make it all work.

I find that, as it becomes more intense, I become more controlled in my approach. I seem to lose all of the 'grey' and get a little black and white about things. Example: If my trainer says, "heavy weights with 12-15 reps, 4-5 sets", I will always choose 15 reps and 5 sets. I can't seem to let myself relax into anything. Just yesterday I completed a fairly (very!!) heavy hamstring workout as follows;

- stiff leg deadlifts - 75kg

- bulgarian split squats - 2 x 15kg d/b's

- hamstring curls - 25kg

all 12-15 reps, 5 x sets

Then I had a thought - why don't I finish off with 100 swissball roll-ins? Yeah! So I got my big red ball and started with great guns. At 25 reps I wished I could stop and my hamstrings were screaming in agony. Did I stop? Not a chance!! I popped out reps until the magic 100 was done. It was quite possibly a silly thing to do as I can hardly feel the backs of my legs today. But I had made the silly call and couldn't back down.

So while I'm a big advocate for reaching goals, there definitely has to be a time where common sense prevails and you give yourself a break. I just have to learn myself where that threshold lies. Or risk being put in my place by a smart trainer.

On that, the lovely Sammy called me this morning to see how I was going. As far as I was concerned, I had ticked all of the boxes. 2hrs of cardio per day - tick. 1hr of heavy weights per day - tick. 6L of water - tick. Posing practise - half a tick. Food on track - 3/4 of a tick - just a little bit of a fruit bust here and there. So I thought it was all good. I didn't mention to her that my temper fuse is shorter than it's been in years...and that I dreaded the thought of fish at just about every meal..and that I was feeling increasingly sorry for myself with regard to a lack of anything yummy or alcoholic...because I didn't count that as important. It was only important that I had completed my tasks.

At the end of the conversation Sammy said, "tonight I want you to eat carbs. Yep. Eat carbs. I can clearly hear it in your voice. You sound like a weary bear..all dopey". And as she said it, I could feel that I was bumbling in my thoughts and really struggling to have any zappiness - you know what I mean? Very heavy like I couldn't get a clear thought pattern going and I was choosing the long way around most things without realising it. I got off the phone really quick because I could feel some little tears stinging the corners of my eyes..and, of course, bodybuilders can't cry!! hehe. I processed that information and realised she was exactly right, as per usual, and decided I would follow her advice.

The only thing I modified was that she told me to have a carb dinner. I decided a lunch would be a better meal to eat on as it would give me the afternoon to 'recover' and I wouldn't go to bed on a full tummy and then think about it all night. So I had a royal feast for lunch!! I won't go into too much detail but I'll tell you it involved cheese (ohmygoditwasgood!!!), peanut butter, and chocolate. Not too much, but more than enough to make me feel full, spoiled and very happy!

Following my feast I jumped on that dreaded treadmill and completed 9kms followed by a heavy chest workout and, of course, my early morning walk already under my belt. I'm back on track now. The muscles have been fed a treat today and it's back into the regime as of now. I have another week on this dreaded deplete plan and then it's a see-saw game up until comp date. Now is when we start tricking things up with salt and water and it's very interesting to see how the body reacts to different manipulations.

So that's me for the week. I completely understand it now when told how hard it is to train for these competitions and I can't wait to be able to say I got through it all and came out the other side. The drive to succeed by achieving my goal is worth the pain..and my goal is just to participate. At this stage, I really have no more desire than that. But I want to do it with some style and that's why I'm giving it all I have.