4.45am and I was wide awake! Nothing would have sent me back to sleep so another mag was consumed while my mind was going over and over the expected events of the day.
6.30am and breakfast was ready. 4 x rice cakes with lashings of honey. Nice but very sweet and, to be honest, a little over honey by now.
7.30am saw the final application of the dream tan. I don't actually suspect that many people really dream of having this tan. It's thick and wet and sticky, and is not meant to dry out. This means I feel wet and sticky for, pretty much the whole day. It takes exactly one hour to apply this layer and there is danger at every move in a flash (and white!) hotel room.
9am - hair and make up lady arrives. She is fantastic and works quickly and efficiently while telling me stories of working on movie and tv sets. Would recommend her to anyone needing this service in Melbourne.
10.50am and we hit the car for the trip to the Moonee Valley Racecourse. All going to plan. Until the GPS system decides it can't find a signal. Then we are sitting on the side of the road in Melbourne City, wondering which direction to head in. Damn us for relying on a machine! 15mins later and we are heading to the venue. No problem, I'm not on stage until 1.10pm so we have more than enough time to arrive, prep, change and warm up. Very essential in 11 degree weather!
We arrive just after 11.30am and head inside to find the backstage area. It's daunting!! Huge crowd! Over 250 competitors! Stalls and fit people everywhere! Lots of fake tan, lots of small suits and some egos - both big, small and normal.
At about 11.45am we find a huge room in which every competitor is getting ready. It's full of lollies (for muscle feeding), chips (same), towels, tanning lotion, resistance bands for pumping up and......no other way to say it....bodies! Bodies everywhere!!! Lying down, pumping up, chatting, laughing, swearing and plenty of nakedness. Not a lot of modesty going on. Boobs and bums are on show while tan is being slapped on and massages given. Our eyes were like saucers and we both felt like the Outback Kids arriving in the big city! We walked in a couple of circles and finally settled on a spot beside a 10cm piece of bare wall. By now it was probably just on midday. No problem. Still just over an hour to go.
And then the bottom of my stomach fell out. "Excuse me Ladies - we are running ahead of schedule. By about one hour. So the Physique Novice needs to get ready now".
What???!!!!! Are you ##@@@##N serious?????? ONE HOUR EARLY!!!!! No one - but no one!! - runs one hour early!!! Don't want my Mum to blush but I was a little upset!!!! I went from calm to a bundle of shaking nerves in about 2 seconds flat. So we hurled a few bad words around and then got to work. Bikini on. Tan evened out. Bling on. Pumping furiously. Rob was trying to put my belly-button bar in as we were being called backstage and his hands were shaking with the stress of it all - that is pretty unusual for Rob and I could see we were both thrown badly by the time change. But we made it backstage and I tried to zone out of the negativity I had been experiencing and made a mental note to give it everything I had, regardless.
Before I knew we were filing on stage and, there in front of us, was a line up of about 8 judges. I couldn't see anything else due to the scorching stage lights so I gave them the cheesiest Guy Smiley smile I could and stood in line. Next came the symmetry round - quarter turns - followed by muscularity - compulsory poses. I was then called forward with a second group for comparison poses. We then filed off stage and waited to return some 5mins later for results.
They next called forward the Top 5 placegetters and I was called as Number 5 - Physique Novice Division. How did I feel??? Bloody ecstatic!!!! I could see around me that competition was fierce and the lady that won had shoulders and lats to be envied! I was actually a little surprised to do so well and the backstage 'experience' taught me a huge lesson about being prepared for any event.
So we then had a couple of hours before the Open Division. I was determined to give it my best shot ever....but a little less than confident about my ability to do well due to competition around me. The Open Division means exactly what it says - open to anyone in Australia (as opposed to Novice being those in their first year of competing). There were the some of the big names of the industry present, and a couple were named in my line up. My main reason for this Division was the opportunity to get an Australian ranking - regardless of what it ended up being.
So this time I spent a solid hour prepping, pumping, posing, scoffing lollies and mentally running through the program. I felt extremely calm and ready for it all. In fact, it's the backstage area where the nerves tend to hit when some of the ladies around me were a little frantic. Some laugh and chat, others pump until the very last second and it's a bit disconcerting. I wondered which one I should be following! An experienced trainer would be a great thing to take along. However, my Rob was the perfect manager for me and we worked together brilliantly.
So, with nothing to lose and everything to gain, I marched onto that stage - first on! - and lined up with my McLean's smile firmly planted on the judges. I then posed my heart out and gave it all I had left.
We were all sent to the back of the stage and they called up a selection of seven of the ladies for further comparison. They didn't call me and that wasn't good news. Those ladies filed back into line and the judges went on to call yet a further five ladies for some comparisons. Again. Not me. I think I was the only one not called for a second look. I was feeling pretty devastated. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I would win, but I did think I was worth a second look along with the rest of them. My honest thoughts - I was the bottom of that line up.
Lastly we were told to do a 'Pose Down'. This means we all go to the front and just pose hard in any of your favourite positions. As soon as they announced this Pose Down - those experienced ladies shot to the front middle and began their work. Haha!! They left no room for me!! I couldn't have squeezed in sideways!! So I trudged to the end of the line - almost at the edge of the damn stage! - and gave it my all!! I posed and turned and posed and turned and posed!! And then we all filed off stage to await the results.
The one good thing about that five minutes - the pressure was off! I clearly wasn't in the running for anything so I just chatted with the others and felt a natural smile returning rather than my 'stage smile'. Then we filed on for the final time and were asked to stand at the back of the stage for the calling of the Top 5. Then they called the numbers...
"304, ...." Hold on - what did they just say????!!!!!! THAT'S MY NUMBER!!!!!! I'M ALMOST SURE IT IS!! Is it? Oh shit - did I just hear right or am I going to make the ultimate dick of myself? Oh crap - I need to check without looking too stupid. Quick!!! No time.
I start tentatively walking forward but then force myself to stop and look down at my own number to make sure it really is 304. I must have looked so bloody stupid!!! Shuffle forward, and then all composure broken to check my own number tag!! I'm embarrassed thinking of it!! But there it was - 304!!!! YOU BLOODY BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The blood was roaring in my ears and my smile was the most natural of the day!!! I was so proud and excited and AMPED!!!
I then placed in 4th Place - Just 3 places behind some of the biggest names in Australian body building!!! The tears were pricking my eyes and I just wanted to jump into Rob's arms and have a big proud sook!!! I did manage to keep it all together and I get down the stairs without tripping - and then I had a little happy emotional breakdown in my darling husband's arms! The buzz was incredible.5th Place - Physique Novice Division, Australian National Championships
4th Place - Physique Open Division Class 3 (Tall), Australian National Championships
Following that high - we managed to remove some of the vegemite-tan and cleaned up a little before finally leaving the venue at about 5.30pm. First stop. Bottle shop for some sparkling wine which we happily consumed back at the hotel while scrubbing posing suits, wiping down high heels, and scrubbing my brown body raw in an effort to look somewhat 'normal' in the Melbourne weather for the evening.
What followed was perhaps the best night I've had in a rather long time! We dined, we desserted, we chatted happily and we realised just what a fantastic team we are! 14 years with this man of mine and I love and respect him more with each day. Why? Because he completes me, compliments me and supports every single wacky idea I come up with! I'm not always sure why - but he does, and life is never boring.
So what's next? TO BE CONTINUED.....
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